"Return to sender. With consciousness attached."

Admission: I'm embarrassed about something.
 

Over the last few months I've allowed someone (who doesn't know me at all) to profoundly affect my self worth. Let me be clear: I let this happen.

I (think?) they passed judgement swiftly and harshly, and I absolutely allowed it to mentally and physically somewhat destroy me.

 

I can only assume they were jealous(?) I'll never know for sure.
They barely know me, and never communicated their feelings directly.

But whoa Nellie was it agonizing, and despite the agony of it all? I learned a lot. So rather than wallow, before I move on, I wanna share the lessons. Here is what I've discovered and re-discovered:


I. "Comparison is the Thief of Joy" 

Theodore Roosevelt had it right.  The more we focus on our own growth, the less we despair at what others have, and where others are in their individual journey.
 

Their success is nothing more than a perception.


2. Hoping for the "failure" of others does not make anyone a "winner."

Period.

 

3. Envy versus Jealousy

Social psychologist and best selling author Dr. Brené Brown defines the differences between jealousy and envy thus:

• ENVY occurs when we want something that another person has.
Envy can come with hostility: 

"I want that, and I don't want you to have it." 

"I also want you to be pulled down and put down."

• JEALOUSY: is when we fear losing a relationship or a part of a valued relationship that we already have.

She goes on to explain that it doesn't appear to be a singular emotion, 

but rather a toxic mashup of ANGER, SADNESS and FEAR—no wonder it packs a gut punch

 

4. Take responsibility for YOUR thoughts. 

Gosh this one is SO. HARD.

 

We must NOT give up our power to another person's emotions, POV thoughts or completely fabricated stories composed about us— founded or un. To quote Dr. Wayne Dyer: "what other people think of me is none of my business."

Another person's view of you is not your problem. (Okay okay: maybe if that person is an Autocrat who sends you to a prison camp for disagreeing with them...but EVEN THEN—your thoughts are your own)
But it sure as anything can become your problem—if you allow it.

 

5. Wow. We REALLY hate women.
And women? Let's not be part of the problem, shall we?
 

I am so deeply committed to the pure, unadulterated, obsessive, song wielding, mantra-chanting uplifting of other women.
 

It is one of my missions. I try to spread uplift and light and affirmation and the fortification of every person I meet, wherever I go. ESPECIALLY OF OTHER WOMEN.
 

I OWN that I experience envy like anyone else! But I always try to get real with myself about it, and take pains never to punish the object of my envy. I know the universe is an abundant place.
Further, I feel extraordinary gratitude to the women in my life who celebrate all of that with me. Finally,

 

6. Everyone is fighting a silent battle. Be kind.
Whenever I raged at the unfairness of how I thought I was being treated and perceived behind the scenes, I tried to soften, and remember that everyone has a silent battle we know nothing about.
 

I wish this same grace had been extended to me.

Sometimes we assume someone "has it all" or has bad, malicious or manipulative intentions. That CAN be true, but more often than not, someone's behavior is stemming from something that has nothing to do with us.

It's a tough world out there—doom-scrolling, hustle culture, the pressures for people to be "it all" from successes, to parents, to perfectly beautiful, to strong (but not too strong). Then there's mental health, family and social pressures, internal expectations; fighting to be a good parent, partner, friend; fighting for justice, fighting to stay in shape, fighting to cook more often and eat out stress, fighting against the behaviors of those who make us feel weak, purposeless, and sad. Fighting abuse, fighting to put yourself out there, fighting for love.

Fighting to be who we are.
So. Much. Fighting.
 

Be kind.

 

*

 

So here I am: makeup-free but sexy as hell, without a colon, or a functional womb; my 20s and 30s behind me, and truly so grateful to be reclaiming my lost time. This is me after a helluva cathartic cry, flushed of this experienced, ready to truly let this go:

 

I don't have it all figured out, but I can say with my whole heart:

I genuinely wish this person every possible wave of inner peace, contentment, success, happiness, abundance; 

and above all? I wish them the awareness to go forth with as many lessons from the last few months as I gained from the energy they sent my way. "Return to sender. With consciousness attached."

 

 

As always:

Onwards with courage and integrity.

#LoveList - BEAUTY

1. Bare Minerals @bareMinerals
BareMinerals will always be my first and my truest love. Like my high school boyfriend. Like that pair of pajamas bottoms I still wear from the 90s. No cheesy or nuanced metaphor could ever describe our love affair accurately.

Not only do I love the creamy, skin-defecting, breathable, and made from natural AF stuff formula, I also love what the company stands for—

“We're from San Francisco, surrounded by artists and innovators who inspire us to think differently, follow our gut instincts and to pour our heart and soul into everything we do.
We create products like no other brand, and we connect with women in ways that no other brand would dare. For over 35 years, we've built a community of strong, passionate women who have become customers—but more importantly—lifelong friends. We create innovative products that are powered by nourishing, skin-loving minerals. We formulate our products with purity in mind, so you can feel good about everything we make. We connect with women in deep meaningful ways because we've never been content with just making them look pretty, we want to make them feel beautiful. WE EXIST TO MAKE A POSITIVE DIFFERENCE IN WOMEN'S LIVES.”

Whatever. Weeping. It's fine.

Whether it be their original powder formula, their mineral veil, blush, warmth, or their new BBc creams and liquid foundations— I can’t get enough. If I ever met the founder, I’d probably have an Lansbury-like moment of explosive and tear-filled gratitude.



2. Clinique Black Honey lipstick - @clinique
Transparent pigment merges with the unique, natural tone of your lips to create something wonderful and yours alone. Sheer, glossy. Emollient-rich and very lightweight.

I would have never bought this product if it weren't for the initial buzz (and I never listen to buzz. In fact: I’m one of those contrarians that didn’t read Harry Potter til 2001 and refuses to watch Game of Thrones, etc.). The color looks extremely dark in the tube which is a little scary, but it is truly a lipstick like no other, something I just…had to try.

I ordered the darker color (there is also a light one called Pink Honey), slid it on and ANGELS SANG.

One coat. Build able. Sheer in an “I just ate a cherry popsicle” way. Soft and creamy. The color is PERFECT. (Incidentally, this was Tzeitl’s lip color of choice for her wedding day—so Clinque had some serious Broadway air time).

Way to go Clinique.




3. Mario Basescu Facial Spray -  @MarioBadescu

The Mario Badescu line of skincare is extensive and generally A+

“Mario Badescu had a vision to bring to New York City his European-style facials—and it was in 1967, out of his two-room Manhattan apartment, when the world-renowned salon and product line were born. News of his unique philosophy and loyal following (which included a star-studded roster of in-the-know New Yorkers) quickly spread and Badescu’s home-turned-studio flourished. Fifty years later, Mario Badescu is the name that continues to transcend generations and span the entire life-cycle of skin: from powerful acne solutions to potent anti-aging treatments, we customize regimens for every skin type and concern imaginable.”

All of that said, my favorite of their products is an absolute must-have, complete with my addicted-as-if-to-meth-like need to be facially spritzed by their Facial Spray with Aloe, Herbs and Rosewater. Cult-favorite. Makeup artist must-have. Revitalizes with dewy radiance.

Boosts moisture and glow. Smells like a freaking rose garden has exploded on your face. It's a rejuvenating mist infused with herbal and botanical extracts (like Aloe Vera, Gardenia, Rose, Bladderwrack and Thyme) that help soothe and re-energize skin—giving it a healthy, radiant glow.
I like to give my skin and makeup a fresh and dewy finish, so I spritz my favorite brush or sponge with this before blending in foundation or concealer. Then I mist my face as a final step to add radiance. I keep this in the fridge so it is nice and cool, and in the middle of the day (especially in summer!) I spray a super-refreshing, cooling boost.



4.  TIGI S FACTOR Tamer  and De-frizzer - @sfactorbytigi

As a life-long multi-textured hair diva, this has been the only product (and I. Have. Tried. Them. ALL) that consistently delivers my unruly hairs the sublime smoothness and a silky touch whilst Sir-Lancelot-level of defense against the Evil Sorcerer Humidity. This defrizzer and tamer fights humidity and moisturizes, and also serves as a heat protectant and frizz fighter by sealing the hair cuticle.

“Scientifically blended ingredients make this the perfect product for sleek, smooth, silky hair,
softening roughness and fighting humidity. Great for blow-drying smooth styles, Smoothing Lusterizer tames fly-aways and smooth’s the hair surface for a perfect finish.”

It also smells like Johnny Depp is french kissing you with a mouth full of Oreos. Or Scotch. Or whatever floats your fancy.


5. The BEAUTYBLENDER

Think all makeup sponges are created equal. Think again. The BeautyBlender is the ONLY makeup sponge out there that is worth the time of day.

“what makes the original beautyblender® so different?

the exclusive material
Super plush, moisture loving. Ensures makeup sits on the surface of sponge for smoother, more uniform blending.

the unique design
The original egg shape guarantees effortless blending in both small and large surface areas.

the look of perfect skin
360º of edgless, flawless application eliminates lines and streaks that other sponges & imitators leave behind.

minimum water retention
Open-cell structure only holds what is absolutely necessary for prime application performance.”

It’s design and material is utterly unique and the absolute perfect consistently to create a totally flawless finish, and in my opinion is peerless. I have every size and shape their products come in, and use them on stage and off.



6. NARS Velvet Matte Lip Pencil - @NARS
The result of a lipstick combined with the kindergarten-level convenience of a pencil in a jumbo crayon design.

The NARS Velvet Pencil ensures that lips are instantly saturated with rich, vivid pigments and a velvety matte finish.

"I wanted to create a modern way to wear a very classic matte lip. The creaminess of the texture makes them very easy to wear."—François Nars, Founder and Creative Director of NARS Cosmetics

The pigment is so rich and the color instantly saturates in a super-velvety matte finish. It is long lasting, non-drying, is enriched with magical unicorn tears or something to deliver the creamiest texture ever. You can use it for lining, all-over color, or pairing with another lip product.

The Countess exclusively used this product in Cruella (which appears to be discontinued— sad!). It’s my lipstick go-to.

#LoveList - HEALTH

1. OIL OF OLBAS
I discovered Oil of Olbas within my first few days of drama school— my Voice teacher (spoken Voice teacher extraordinaire, Jean Moore) casually mentioned Oil of Olbas like it was as ordinary as cabbage and… I had never heard of it. What was this magical oil? Where did it come from? What was it used for? Jean Moore’s voice was so hypnotizing and her RP so immaculate and and and and “Oiiiil of Ollllbaaaas” whatever. I needed it.

I promptly reported to the CHEMIST, and purchased my first beautiful glass vial of the product that would thereafter be the product (before it was widely available in the USA) that I would beg my British friends to buy and bring to me in bulk, perpetuating our own personal Oil of Olbas drug cartel. What? No shame.

This product is that trans-formative. Okay okay so what the heck is it?

“This 100% pure essential oil formula has been a European household favorite for almost 100 years. Applied to the body, Olbas Oil naturally increases circulation at the surface of the skin, opening up the pores and providing a warm feeling of relief in muscles and joints. But Olbas is also an inhalant; it readily diffuses into the air, providing extraordinary relief and sensory benefits to nasal and bronchial areas, cooling and invigorating dry, inflamed nasal passages due to colds, allergies, sinusitis, and hay fever.
Benefits of Olbas Oil. Inhalation: Olbas Oil is a completely natural essential oil formula that delivers invigorating and soothing sensations to the nasal and bronchial areas. Massage: Applied to the body, Olbas Oil tends to stimulate circulation at the surface of the skin.

    •    Instant Relief from colds, Sinus & Allergies
    •    Massage on Aches & Pains for a Warm Feeling of Relief
    •    Powerful Olbas Formula contains only Pure Essential Oils and?
    •    Cruelty-Free”

I am prone to sinus infections (partially my auto-immune disease, partially my small skull—years ago I would say I used to get one infection per month!) and only Oil of Olbas could relieve immediate symptoms before I had to turn to medicine. I have subsequently gotten he whole sinusitis thing under control, don’t you worry, reader. It appears to be “pricey” for the size of the bottle, but a little goes a long way and it is well worth the investment for the preventative and almost miraculous healing properties.

I use it in every single bath I run (I add a few drops to the bath water and mix with epsom salts for the ultimate detox/relaxation before bed), then if I am feeling “stuffy,” I rub a few dots into my temples, on my nostrils (if needed), on my chest and throat (my sinus infections always give me swollen glands), and sometimes if I’m really feeling frisky, I’ll dabble a few drops on my pillow to just be totally surrounded in European herbal voodoo. (CAUTION! KEEP AWAY FROM YOUR EYES! YOU WILL INSTANTLY REGRET IT AND WANT TO GO BACK IN TIME!)

It is also the only thing I will ever use to muscular pain. I mix several drops in with lotion to help with absorption, and within 10-15 minutes the blood is circulating, your muscles are relaxing and the pain has markedly diminished.

I am also a huge fan of the Olbas PASTILLES, which I exclusively use while singing, if I am making singing sounds, you can guarantee there is literally, always one in my cheek.

Last year, I got Samantha Massell (my Hodel on Broadway, and roomie of @dressingroom51, duh!) HOOKED on the stuff, and we got so enthusiastic Olbas got in touch with Samantha (because she’s just one of those people who gets lots of free stuff? You know those people?) and they sent us a GIANT box of goodies from the Olbas line I had NEVER even heard of!  Inhalers! Diffusers! Tea! Cough syrup?!  Who knew?

I am so happy they are in the USA now, and so are my generous criminal British drug cartel pals who no longer have to smuggle the stuff into the Land of the Free for their crazy friend.

Olbas? ....Will you MARRY ME?


2. The NUTRIBULLET 

Despite the fact that the founder /inventor/guru guy of NutriBullet is a little MUCH, wears a lot of crystals and has an intensity that sort of scares me: THE GUY INVENTED A MACHINE OF PURE GENIUS.

Okay okay I get it.  “A blender is a blender” right? Wrong.
This little guy is compact, simple to assemble and clean, and does not merely “mush up” the food you put in, but has one-of-a-kind technology that extracts the nutrient ingredients on a cellular level, so you get the absolute most out of every single scrap of food you put into your body— every vitamin, booster and delicious taste.

“The Creators of Nutrient Extraction
What truly sets NutriBullet apart from the rest is its incredible extraction abilities. The NutriBullet is the original nutrient extractor, transforming ordinary foods into extraordinary nutrition. With its exclusive Bullet cyclonic action, specialized blades and powerful motor, the NutriBullet converts whole vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, and other superfoods into exceptional liquid fuel for your body. To get the most out of your life, you need to get the most out of your food.”

That makes it the ideal tool for health-conscious people (like myself) who are looking to efficiently fuel our busy and energetic lives.

Also, as a Paleolithic eater (briefly: meaning I eat a LOT of organic fruits and vegetables), the NutriBullet is the most incredible way to fuel myself in the morning. My day begins with my cup of tea ritual (in my adorable and perfect tea pot given to me by Lara Pulver thankyouverymuch), followed by a NutriBullet delight with a base of green veggies. My auto-immune disease means I am almost always fighting anemia, so starting my day with “nutrient extracted” leafy greens is ideal.

Power through the weirdo infomercial and buy it, or, just save yourself the creep-fest and go to their website and buy it today.

PS. Oh yeah. Also? Dear Nutri-bullet, Sorry but you reeeallllly need a new infomercial and I’ll totally do it for you if you want.



3. ALKOLOL

GAME CHANGER ALERT! I had been using a Neti Pot for years, and enjoying the slightly squeemy but totally refreshing sinus-cleaning system from days of yore. But when Alkolol was introduced to the regime? KAPOW. It was a new dawn. The natural formula made entirely of herbal magic stuff, takes the level of cleansing and clearing up to the next level. Breathe free EVERMORE!

“Alkalol is a unique blend of natural ingredients developed over 100 years ago as a nasal wash and mucus solvent. Today it still provides drug-free relief from nasal congestion and irritation caused by sinusitis, allergies, colds and post-nasal drip. And it helps dissolve mucus and clear blocked nasal passages. During nasal irrigation and while using the Alkalol Nasal Wash Cup, the Alkalol mixture flows through your sinuses clearing irritants such as dust and pollen. It also helps improve overall nasal hygiene by preventing mucus from gathering in your sinuses where it can become the breeding ground for bacteria.”

According to the Journal of Family Practice, “Daily hypertonic saline nasal irrigation improves quality of life, decreases symptoms and decreases medication use in patients with frequent sinusitis.”

It is formulated to be used as often as needed (I use a small amount in my Neti Pot daily as a preventative measure and to maintain sinus hygiene, but even more when I feel a cold coming on.) If you have chronic sinusitis or are an allergy sufferer who is increasingly looking to over-the-counter and prescription drugs, Alkalol should be added to your health regime. In fact, buy it in bulk.

4. ACZONE
So secret: I do not have perfect skin.
Oh WAIT? You too? Whaddya know. No-one really does. It's okay.

My skin-perfections have come in the form of what is called cystic acne (acne that never really comes to a head, but lingers under the skin in large and painful cysts—ouch!) and it was totally the pits until I found ACZONE.
And then?
OH. MAH. GAH.
Clear skin. Full Hearts. Can’t Lose.

Aczone cleared my skin in about 10 days and I’ve never gone back. I should do their commercial. I want to. I want to make a YouTube video and explain in depth how painful and isolating acne can be even as an adult, and how our faces is what we all present to world, what is perceived of by others, not just performers! This product is the only thing that ever brought me consistent results, and it more than cleared my skin, it cleared my psychology regarding my Self. That’s powerful stuff, and it is can’t be purchased in a bottle.

Aczone actually has a new formula that you only have to use once a day (whereas previously you used it twice), so is even more convenient than before.  It is very affordable (there are also a lot of fantastic coupons available online if you are paying out of pocket), it lasts forever, is fragrance free, smooth-as-silk and basically perfect.

This is of course, a prescription medication that you can only be prescribed by a doctor, but if your skin plagues YOU, ask your doctor and I wish you the best with your skin journey. We only get one skin! It is invaluable to care for it with love.


Happy health you all!

#LoveList - LIFESTYLE

1.  THINX -  @shethinx

Now don’t freak out: but menstruation has long been a taboo subject in society, yet, it is one of the oldest and most natural things in the history of the world. Long has “the period” been the butt of terrible jokes, totally normal hormonal fluctuations blamed for totally unreasonable female insanity, and the very practical, natural, and totally universal ins and outs of the PERIOD approached with disgust, embarrassment and taboo.

No longer. Not according to Thinx.

I won’t go on, but I will say: it is high time we all get over it and recognize that everybody poops, and half the world gets their period.

Thinx is a Brooklyn based company that is run by silly and ferociously intelligent ladies whom I have never met, but hope to because I own very single one of their products and ain’t shuttin' up about how much I love their mission statement, green vision, and taboo-bursting, general badassery.

Here is what their (super cute) website says:

“We're guessin' you heard about THINX through the grapevine (Grapefruit vine? had to).
The humans behind THINX are smart and funny and a little bit silly (okay, a lot silly).
But we've been hard at work breaking the period taboo since January 2014. But our story starts like, way way back. (Three friends) + (some gnarly period accidents) + (100 million girls missing school just b/c of their periods) + (3.5 years of R&D) + (like, 30 badass team members) = the THINX you know and love and bleed into today.
We're givin' back across the globe with THINX Foundation (who run the world?! GIRLS). Join the revolution at thinx.org!”

2.  URBAN EARS - @Urbanears

These headphones are not only comfortable, loaded with personality, and brightly colored (I own three pairs— seriously), but there is something about the brand: Urban ears possesses a profound understanding of how headphones are used, worn and WHY.

Urbanears is a collective based out of Scandinavia, motivated by a common interest in global relationships, a deeper connection to color, form and people, all while providing the freedom to transcend individuality and unify the sound *experience.*

In their words:

“Our vision is to add a number of elements to the concept of performance. Beyond the obvious sound rendition we have a vision of making headphones that feel more like clothes than chromed plastics. We design headphones with respect to what they are expected to be, but with great attention to the details. An Urbanears headphone is always describable as a classic headphone, rather than a bold design statement redefining the product category. We spend much time making our headphones affordable. Still we want each product to always come with a little extra functionality you wouldn’t expect. And deliver great audio as well as ergonomics. Equally important, we work hard at making Urbanears available in a store near you. The evolution of music formats has allowed you to carry your full collection in the pocket. Music has migrated from designated players into cell phones. It just seems stupid not to add a microphone and a remote, allowing you to pick up calls and communicate. We try to make your Urbanears function with the most possible devices out there.”

Quality. Color. Affordability. I’m sold time and time again. From Lemon to Red to Cobalt.



3.  MOLESKINE - @moleskine

THE LEGENDARY NOTEBOOK! I have been using Moleskin journals (and weekly planners, for that matter!) literally my entire adult life. Every time I branch out to another brand of notebook, I feel like I am cheating on my spouse, and I long to return to the ever-so-perfect weight, paper density, perfect proportions, line-width (or, on occasion, grid-size), and colors (my favorite being red).


“It all started many years ago, with a pocket-sized black object, the product of a great tradition. The Moleskine notebook is, in fact, the heir and successor to the legendary notebook used by artists and thinkers over the past two centuries: among them Vincent van Gogh, Pablo Picasso, Ernest Hemingway, and Bruce Chatwin.

A simple black rectangle with rounded corners, an elastic page-holder, and an internal expandable pocket: a nameless object with a spare perfection all its own, produced for over a century by a small French bookbinder that supplied the stationery shops of Paris, where the artistic and literary avant-gardes of the world browsed and bought them. A trusted and handy travel companion, the notebook held invaluable sketches, notes, stories, and ideas that would one day become famous paintings or the pages of beloved books.

In 1997, a small Milanese publisher brought the legendary notebook back to life, and selected this name with a literary pedigree to revive an extraordinary tradition. Following in Chatwin's footsteps, Moleskine notebooks have resumed their travels, providing an indispensable counterpart to the new and portable technology of today. Capturing reality in movement, glimpsing and recording details, inscribing the unique nature of experience on paper: the Moleskine notebook becomes a battery that stores ideas and feelings, releasing its energy over time.”

My moleskin has accompanied me from San Francisco to Glasgow to The Isle of Olkohn in Siberia (literally), and has ever let me down as my constant companion and vessel for my every thought, idea, whim, doodle and ventilation.


4.  GERMGUARDIAN 3-IN-1 AIR CLEANING SYSTEM

Investing (and not really even that much actual money, might I add) in air filters has been the single best addition to my healthcare regime in the last year, and after truly exhaustive research (also on the part of internet wizard MamaSilbs thankyouverymuch), this model rose to tippy top and has never let me down. I own three in my (very) large one bedroom apartment in Astoria— living room, bedroom and kitchen— covering the gamut of my entire living space.

Last year my doctor quite wisely pointed out that we fight inflammatory triggers not on a daily, but on a minute-by-minute basis, and turning on an air filter removes a huge part of that! If your body doesn’t have to fight air pollution in your home (where most people spend the majority of their lives, particularly the multiple hours they spend sleeping), then your body can use its resources to fight the more vital triggers such as disease! Why make your body work any harder than it has to when all you have to do is plug something in? No brainer.

Why GERMGAURDIAN (which sounds like a Transformer, amiright?)

Well because it has the following sexy attributes: a Pet Pure True HEPA Filter, a UV-C Sanitizer, an Allergen and Odor Reduction system (which works, my downstairs neighbors smokes like a chimney and I don’t breathe a whiff of it!), 5 speeds (including an ultra-quiet sleep mode), and a 28-Inch Digital Air Purifier.

Their words:

"The 3-in-1 Air Cleaning System is perfect for allergy sufferers. True HEPA captures 99.97% of allergens including pet dander, dust mites and pollen. The Pet Pure is an antimicrobial agent added to the filter to inhibit the growth of mold, mildew and odor-causing bacteria on the surface of the filter. According to the American Academy of Pediatric Allergy and Immunology, doctors recommend HEPA air filtration to reduce exposure to indoor asthma triggers. More than just a filter, the UV-C light kills germs, while the charcoal filter captures odors. CADR Rated 125+ and standing 28 inches tall, it is lightweight and ideal to use in both medium to large rooms. The easy to use digital display panel includes UV-C control, a filter change indicator and an up to 8 hour timer. 5 speeds provide high speed allergen control down to ultra-quiet sleep mode."

Best money you will ever spend.


5.  LE PEN
The (currently MOST unfortunately named —because of the racist xenophobic French political Marine LePen naturellement) LePen pens have a smooth-writing, micro-fine plastic point and a sleek barrel design. The ink is acid free and non-toxic. Available in a bazillion fun colors (including some new Neon ones!).  Also really love that the ink colors actually match barrel colors.

They are travel-able, long-lasting, acid free, non-toxic, and smudge-proof. They are perfect for journaling (my favorite), letter-writing, business forms, notebooks, diaries, memo pads, yearbooks, and scrapbooks. I use them in my Moleskin... To write about my feelings, ideas and Tati and Angela Lansbury of course. Because I am nothing if not both obsessive, loyal, and consistent. 

Enjoy!

Warm Woolen Mittens

©Nick Bantock

1. Monograms

According to Wikipedia,

"A monogram is a motif made by overlapping or combining two or more letters or other graphemes to form one symbol. Monograms are often made by combining the initials of an individual or a company, used as recognizable symbols or logos. A series of uncombined initials is properly referred to as a cypher (e.g. a royal cypher) and is not a monogram.^"

Basically: I like them. And I like the letter 'A' a LOT. And though it is mostly because my name starts with A ("mostly" being somewhere between 70-95%) it is also because I find letters to be graceful things, and their shape, line, structure, movement, all seem to articulate a little something about us. I identify with the "A" not merely because my name begins with it, but because of the swoosh of the three lines used to make the uppercase model, and the blobby little bubble who wears a hat used mostly in type-faced version of lowercase "a" (which I have infamously utilized even when writing by hand for over 15 years).   

Remember how Mary Tyler Moore and her "M" made such an emotional impact when she moved from her small apartment to her larger one in 1975?  (if not, check out the clip at 13:22 here)...

How miraculous that a collection of almost random scratches come to form and represent all the words we know and some we have yet to know? Those scratchings, when stood on their own, serve as a symbol, a quiet reminder, a whispered essence of who we are. 
 

2. Dark chocolate with hazelnuts.

Why do people eat anything else ever? Dark chocolate with hazelnuts is better than kittens and sunshine and Christmas... and when all four of these things combine? 
Well that would be bliss. 
Bliss I tell you.

Emma Williams: blind friend-date

3. Friend-Dating

Some of the best pals I've ever met, and some of the very greatest in my everyday life are friends I have met on a "friend date."

What is a friend date you ask?
Why, according to the Urban Dictionary: 

"...a friend date is a situation in which two platonic individuals partake in activities (such as movies, coffee, or a walk on the beach) that have the appearance of a regular date, but have no romantic or sexual intentions."

 I was "set up" on a blind friend-date with fellow actress Emma Williams in London somewhere around 2006 by a mutual friend who thought the two of us would be great pals. It was love at first friend-date. We never looked back.


4. Drinking through a straw

I am going to openly admit here that I always steal an extra straw from Starbucks whenever I go so that I may take it home and drink with it at The Winter Palace. I love a straw! It is human innovation at it's most innovative and simple! 
Steps:

1. Place lips around long, hollow cylindrical device.
2. Utilize suction: muscular action reduces air pressure in the mouth, whereupon atmospheric pressure forces the beverage up the straw.
3. VOILA! YOUR BEVERAGE DELIVERED RIGHT TO YOUR GOB! 
4. Repeat. Enjoy.

I mean: amazing. 

5. Rubber Stamps

Before the printing press, the written word was the responsibility of the monasteries. Each book was written and illustrated by hand, highly inaccessible and very expensive to produce. Each block was carved by hand with every ideogram in position, which meant a completely new carved block for each page! This was the year 1 B.C. (so... you know... give them a break...)

In 1444 Johannes Gutenberg, a German goldsmith and printer introduced modern book printing by inventing a mechanical moveable type and the printing press machine. It played a huge role in education, news and the Scientific Revolution. This was used widely until the second half of the 20th century. Primitive printing blocks were made of woodcuts, photoengraved copper, linoleum blocks, magnesium plates and zinc metals.

And while I am all into the Industrial Revolution and all-- THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. I love a rubber stamp and I am not afraid to show it! I remember the first time I ever used a rubber stamp: one of an almost lithographic-ly detailed heart. My mom presented me with a piece of paper and an ink pad and when I reproduced the heart over and over (and over) again I thought a miracle was taking place. There is something about the act of physical reproduction: an act of man-powered magic that cannot be replicated by the technological age. 

©nick bantock - responsible for my adult love of stamps

I would wager that engineers themselves still experience this feeling with their tablets and MP3 players, but for us ordinary punters out here in Normals-ville, nothing is comparable to the "real thing." When one touches a screen and "stuff happens" it is simply not the same as watching the cogs of a clock physically mesh together. Or pressing rewind and watching a tape actually roll backwards and play a recording from a different part of that same strip of tape. So it is with the rubber stamp. For one brief moment, our hands are a tiny little printing press that no laser printer can compete with.


The enhance any piece of paper be it a letter, an envelope, a note or a tax return. 
The are elegant and mystical.  
  
  They are like warm woolen mittens, and they get my *stamp* of approval. 

Owls I Love: A List

Disney owls of note

1. Archimedes
As seen pictured [right], Disney owls of note include A.A Milne's very own "Owl" of Winnie the Pooh fame, Professor Owl (a school teacher from two classic cartoons Melody and Toot, Whistle, Plunk and Boom), Big Mama the owl (from The Fox and the Hound), the "hoo" owl from Sleeping Beauty that Aurora famously dresses up as Prince Charming.
But PEOPLE: there is a number one owl in my heart. No list of favo(u)rite owls could begin, or be complete without Archimedes (brilliantly voiced by Junius Matthews )-- Merlin's grumpy owl who bears the name of the famous mathematician in Disney's 1963 animated film The Sword and The Stone based on the story of the same name by T. H. White chronicling the educational adventures of the wizard Merlin, and a young boy named Arthur and how he became King of Camelot.

Oh Archimedes, how you huff and fluff and puff. And how we love you when you laugh to the point of near death.You are my favo(u)rite owl of them all, and that, my wise old peevish friend, is saying something...

2. The "Lovely" Owls
Particularly the massage owl...'Nuff said.


3. Hedwig
Harry Potter's snowy companion, how could we ever leave Hedwig, with her very own theme song, off this list?
Hagrid bought Hedwig as a birthday present for Harry when they went to Diagon Alley together. Harry decided on her name after finding it in A History of Magic. Before attending his first year at Hogwarts, Harry routinely stayed in his bedroom with Hedwig, away from the Dursleys, since she was the only living creature in the house that did not hate him. Throughout her life, Hedwig provided Harry with mail service, as well as loyal companionship. Hedwig often showed Harry her affection by gently nibbling his ears and fingers, and seemed fully capable of understanding his wishes (as she faithfully followed Harry's orders to peck Ron and Hermione until they responded to him).


4. My Owl Barn - a blog. Check it out. I could go broke on this blog. Thank goodness for discipline.

5. The Tootsie Pop Owl

A kid approaches Mr. Owl and casually inquires,
     "Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?"
     "Let's see, one, two, three..." then he crunches into it and eats the whole things, handing the stick back to the kid, "THREE."

Dear Tootsie Pop Owl,
You are not helpful. You are, in fact, snarky. Plus, you stole the kid's Tootsie Pop just to sarcastically prove a point. But Sir? That was good work. Your sarcasm, on this particular occasion was welcome because the kid's question was a little bit frivolous and though his latent curiosity was adorable in it's naivete, you appear to be wearing a scholar's hat which would indicate that you have far more important questions of the Universe to contemplate. Good luck with that.

Love, Al

PS) 249. The answer is roughly 249. 

6. Night Owls
Circadian rhythms are a very real thing, people, a very real thing.

Anne Fadiman, Hunter S. Thompson, James Joyce, Elvis Presley and Robert Louis Stevenson who famously said 'there is a romance about all those who are abroad in the black hours...' Night owls. Like me. Like 1 out of every 7 people.


The End.

Glove Love

Sometimes it is called “The Land that is Shaped Like a Hand.”
That would be because it is.
Some people call it “The Mitten.”
Some “The Glove.”
All of these are equally valid and as far as I am concerned, inter-changeable.
But one thing remains constant: whatever the identifier, my love of the state of Michigan is forever, steadfast and true. The real deal. Real like Ross loving Rachel. As a real a thing as Henry James’ The Real Thing. Or Tom Stoppard’s The Real Thing (Or Vanessa Williams’ or Kurt Andersen’s or ...) Like the French loving cheese… like teen-vampire love…

Michiganders legitimately, and with a full sincerity free from all whimsey or irony, declare where they are from in Michigan by referring to the area on an actual real-life hand.

Examples,
    “I am from Bad Axe,” this fictional Michigander will say to you in a flat-vowel-ed Michigan accent (so flat, in fact, that you will swear they just said “BEE-ad EE-ax”). And you, after deciphering what they just said, and being a Normal-Non-Michigan-Muggle-type will reply,
    “...Where in Christ is that?”
And they, smiling as broadly as their vowels in a manner in which only Michiganders can, will reply,
    “Why, it’s in the thumb!”
And then, this person will without question get out their hand and SHOW you exactly where they live on their portable hand-map as if you didn't know where a thumb was located, but perhaps you don't and these people are so friendly they really don't mind the demo. 

Um… isn’t that the most charming thing you have ever heard?
                     
                        ...Like, in the whole of your life?

*

Okay, now, all that said, here is how you do the Michigan Hand shake…that I may-or-may-not-have, made up.

The entire act is what I like to call…

[*drum-roll please*]

GLOVE LOVE.

[: ::confetti:: :]

To mirror, of course, the Glove Love in my heart that shall never die. (Not even if I give birth to a werewolf baby...)

STEP 1 - PRESENT THE “GLOVE”

Hold up your right hand in front of you (recommended distance is approximately 10 inches from your face, perpendicular, as if touching a window before you)

STEP 2 - DECLARE YOUR “GLOVE LOVE”

Say aloud, “Glove Love” to the handshakes’ recipient, followed by a sincere, generally appetizing look that evokes anything from flirtation to unwavering brotherhood, or everything in between at once.

STEP 3 - INVITE THE “GLOVE LOVE”

Instruct your recipient to match your upheld hand as one might do in a “mirroring” exercise, and feel the “love” as your hands touch.

STEP 4 - TAKE IT “U.P” A NOTCH

If you are really feeling the Glove Love, then you need to take it up a notch, and by UP, I mean the “U.P” and by the “U.P,” I mean the Upper Peninsula.

Invite the recipient to “Upper Peninsula me!” by extending your left hand sideways and crossing it over and above your already presented hand (thus, vaguely resembling the Northwest geography of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan) and having them match that in the same, intoxicatingly adorable manner. (Have you taught James Earl Jones my now not-so-secret handshake...? Um... because I have. So you can stop making fun of me and buzz off! Because a certain Michigan-native named James Earl Jones loved it. He hand flirted with me by interlacing his fingers post “Upper Peninsula” and laughed that signature “HA HA HA!” laugh he did at the beginning of Coming to America. He loved it. HE GLOVE LOVED IT...)

STEP 5 - BASK.

Do.
Do bask.
Go on…
Bask in the love…

    …The Glove Love.

Funeral! [a “How To” Guide]

Funerals are a social mystery-- a formulaic social mystery, but mysterious nonetheless for the sporadic nature of funerals mixed with a general avoidance of discussion on the subject in Western culture, makes it difficult to acquaint oneself with what’s expected in terms of proper behavior. You just muddle through each funeral, hoping you’re doing the right thing, and then muddle through it again the next time.

So, if you have been to one, you have a decent idea of the basics, but should any other funerals crop up, assume you are as royally screwed as you were the first time around.

Regardless, here are a few basics to keep in mind.

First Things First

For Starters.

1. Make certain you are at a funeral.
How you ask?
There will be signs—not literal signs, mind you. Not neon signs in child-like scrawl one finds stapled to the side of trees and lamp-posts as if the funeral were some kind of morbid yard sale, but rather, indicators.
     A. Someone will be deceased. Make certain someone is, else, you are not at a funeral, you are at a very dark house party. Someone being dead is often the point of the funeral, differentiating it from any other kind of social function.
     B. There will be a somber mood. (Unless you are cynical, or Irish, or you are at the funeral of a particularly evil dictator… or a Wicked Witch.)

2. Make certain that you are at least Six-Degrees-of-Kevin-Bacon away from the deceased.
You might not know the deceased personally, but make certain that you are more than merely there for the free deli spread. That would make you a “Funeral Crasher.” Which brings me to…

3. Do not (consciously or un—) crash a funeral.
The very worst kind of crasher on evil par with the evilest of evil villains Sauron, Hitler, both The Alien and The Predator, and debt-collecting terrorist telemarketers everywhere. Crash a funeral and you can crown yourself an archetypal evil overlord complete with
     A. a massive army of The Major M’s (monsters or monkeys or machines),
     B. possibly a flaming eyeball,
     C. green skin, and
     D. a head-piece made of brain-wave-protecting metal and/or spiky nails.

Second Things Second

Observing acceptable funeral etiquette.

Funeral etiquette is tricky. As previously mentioned, it is an unpleasant subject to dwell upon, and, unless you are in Public Service or are Lord Voldemort, your experience with funerals may tend to be few and far between.

1. Food
During the days immediately following a death the family of the deceased is usually too overwhelmed to carry on the normal every day living chores, such as cooking and cleaning. So food would be more than welcome.

     A. Unless it is shitty food, or
     B. You bring steak sliders to a vegan household, or
     C. Unless everyone brings the exact same dish, or
     D. Unless the family’s fridge gets packed with so many containers of soup and pasta and goulash that the refrigerator and freezer threaten to explode.
     E. Make certain you mark your Tupperware and list any cooking instructions.
     F. Once in attendance of the funeral, make certain you eat both a giant and a finger sandwich. Science says the smaller or larger you make a sandwich, the more effing badass it becomes.


2. You will likely see people you have not seen in years.
For better or for worse.
     A. This is not the time to confront the man who slept with your ex-husband.
     B. A certain degree of acceptable flirting with hot strangers depends on how close you are to the deceased or their family. Just make sure that hot stranger isn't a long-lost cousin.


3. Attire
Subdued colors are most appropriate for funerals.
     A. Do not wear a costume
     B. Or a veil. Please. This isn’t a Bronte novel.


4. Expressing Sympathy
     A. Simple, brief expressions of sympathy are usually best. Remember, above all, you are attending the funeral to show support of the person who has recently passed away, and your role is to support the survivors. This is not your platform for venting past disagreements, collecting on debts or hitting on the widow. Also, avoid at all costs making grieving a “contest.” People who think grief is a contest are instant losers of said contest. Don’t back a horse in that race.
     B. Cause of death can be a difficult subject. Avoid statements such as “I am so sorry to hear of the loss of Nathan’s head— I am certain once they trawl the landfill for it, they can return it to the funeral home and you can finally have your peace. Gah! Not piece— of course I didn’t mean for the terrible pun to be made I was just… trying to…Dude, I’m sorry for your loss.” Don't be that guy.
     C. Sending flowers is a traditional way to express your condolences. Be aware however, that if the grieving family is particularly poetic, flowers that will eventually die in about a week only serve as a reminder that everything dies. Just like their dead family member.


5. Sometimes things do not go as planned
     A. If, throughout the course of the funeral process, you discover that the funeral home has, say, accidentally kept the body in a Chuck E' Cheese style ball pit, or, cremated the incorrect corpse, or anything else classified as a “disaster,” by all means keep that Intel to yourself. It is safe to say that today is already pretty shit for the family of the deceased. Thus, that info can wait.
     B. Trust that in time it will all just seem like most Roper-centric episodes of Three's Company-- hysterically macabre.

Final Words

Pun intended

Keep these points in mind and you should be fine. If you screw up, you’ve blown it—absolutely feel free to bludgeon yourself with a sock full of toxic batteries. But before you do, just make certain no one screws up as royally at your funeral.

Sometimes I think...

...In a perfect world you'd be able to mark people as spam in real life.

...If it wasn't for the last minute nothing would ever get done.

...I have 99 problems and they're all luftballons.

...some people on Facebook "Like" everything but grammar.

...Just once, I want to go to a wedding and see someone object.

...damn-- I mean, whatever happened to all that glow-in-the-dark stuff?

...I bet some of the dumber wolves howl at the sun.

...Oh. Oh, Reese's cup at the back of my freezer, how like the food version of a booty-call you are.

...If someone would just make a decent beer called Alone, it wouldn't sound nearly as depressing when I say I'm drinking alone.

...I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

...I really long for the days when my biggest goal was to "collect them all."

...Sometimes I ask, "What would Chewbacca do?"
The answer is always, "Make that gargly roaring sound."
So that's what I do.

Look. What. I. Found.

Guys.... GUYS.... 
look. 
what. 
I. 
found. 
For real.

I MEAN. 

So I named them Bertram and Scott.
and then I went back to get two more 
     because people? ...THEY WERE $4.99. 
FOUR NINETY FREAKIN' NINE...... 

The next two were in green [orange below], and I named the next two Archimedes and Zizi.
(Incidentally, it pleases me greatly that their names now line up perfectly with the Teletubbies theme song "Archimedes! Bertram! Zizi! SCOTT.")

I love owls. A lot.

...and Whiskers on Kittens...

Tamara de Lempicka

1. Art Deco and the 1930's

Art Deco affected all areas of design throughout the 1920s and 1930s, including architecture and industrial design, as well as the visual arts such as painting, the graphic arts and film. At the time, this style was seen as elegant, glamorous, functional and modern. There is something about this world of design (mirrored by the psychological culture of the time period) between the two world wars that highlights a certain sense and vision of progress, of hope, efficiency, cleanliness and simplicity. In the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald, the distinctive style of Art Deco was shaped by 'all the nervous energy stored up and expended in the War.'

2. The Magical, Mystical, incredibly sexy ©Slurpee.

It is cold. Slush-like-but-not-a-©Slushy. Like shaved ice but not ©Shaved Ice. A ©Slurpee is the best of every world of frozen confection-- sweet, cold, colorful and simple. Like snow. With flavor. (In fact, who didn't do that as a kid? Run out to the freshly fallen snow, collect it in a cup and pour juice over it? ... no one...? Just me...? Well for all of you who weren't frozen refreshment obsessed, or are from the warmer climes, I am telling you this trick was magic.) When I was in still at Groves High School in Metro-Detroit (before my Interlochen sojourn), my friends and I (specifically Bill Bradley, Justin Bodary and Katie Battersby) thought that driving to the 7-11 for a giant ©Slurpee was the ultimate in "killing-time-and-aimlessly-hanging-out-which-means-driving-around-the-suburbs-because-we-can-do-that-but-cannot-yet-drink" activities. The pure dietary joys of the DIET PEPSI Slurpee. Not to mention the Crystal Light Slurpee. (Hellllls yeah). As I grew up? The alcoholic ©Slurpee became my favorite cocktail. What is that you ask? Why that would be the MOJITO. Sí. And why do I love it? Um. Because it is an alcoholic ©Slurpee...? Nuff said there.

3.   Carnivals

They are dark magic and I love them. I love the Tilt-A-Whirl. I love skee ball. I love the cotton candy. But mostly I adore the darkly magical atmosphere— the aesthetic ache, the ever-so-slightly twisted beauty of it all. I love it all. I love to share it with one other person. But mostly I love to go alone.

4. Naming things.

Inanimate objects. Toys. Animals. I love names and their meanings in general (Incidentally: Alexandra? (Greek: Αλεξάνδρᾱ) is the feminine form of the given name Alexander, which is a romanization of the Greek name Αλέξανδρος (Alexandros). Etymologically, the name is a compound of the Greek verb ἀλέξειν (alexein) "to defend" and the noun ἀνδρός (andros), genitive of ἀνήρ (anēr) "man". Thus it may be roughly translated as "protector and defender of mankind." Amazing.) I used to own a lot of Baby Naming books as a child, not imagining my own children someday mind you (because I am just notthatgirl), but instead, pouring over the etymology of the names within the pages. It ignited my imagination! Who IS Simon? Isabella? Nicholas? Anders? Ilona? What do they do? Where do they come from? Naming is science, psychology, sociology and anthropology in one. And nothing captures a person place or things better, than the perfect name.

EXAMPLES...

My dog [that I do not yet own, but might someday]: Kevin. A deeply normal, deeply human name without the slightest trace of whimsy. 'Rover' and 'Spike' be damned! 'Ginger' or 'Blondie'? I say 'pah!' 'Bob' or 'Jack' even are so normal and human that they point at themselves-- NO. Kevin is a lovely sounding, but right-in-the-middle-of-normalcy name that when you think of it, just does not belong to a dog. But it will...

My cat [again, fictional cat]: Dr. Rosenbloom. Because.... well, just because. Because the thought of a cat not having a name but a title delights me. Satirical (but only satirical) whimsy with cats is allowed. Picture it at the vet: "The doctor will see you now," the nurse will say. And I will say, "Dr. Rosenbloom will see YOU now..."

5. Trains

Watching them, listening to them, taking them places. It is a throwback to the Golden Age of Travel (if there ever was such a thing... I might have just made that up... but I think it should exist...), it is green, and relaxing and no-fuss, and far and away my transportation of choice. Perhaps, (politics aside--everybody just caaaaalm down) this is due to my unutterable love of the literary character Dagny Taggart. Perhaps it is due to Scottish dramatist David Greig's beautiful play Europe. I don't know. I think a great deal of nature, and always look for ways to protect our planet and let it flourish. But, I also believe in the equally moving and terribly important to recognise the great, often mammoth accomplishments of mankind. Man is capable of both great destruction, yes, and we so often hear of that. But of creation too: long stretches of steel that disappear into the infinite horizons, train cars that move at seemingly impossible speeds, tracks capable of connecting vast continents? It makes me think of everything I believe in. "It is not death that we wish to avoid, but life that we wish to live."

Thus far in my lifetime my favorite train rides have been The Red Arrow overnight train from Moscow to St. Petersburg, the beautiful commute from London Euston to Sheffield (no laughing, that is for real-- travel by day and check out that countryside), and the Amtrak service from New York to Washington DC. Pure. Class.

6. Talking to strangers on all forms of transportation (planes, trains or automobiles... I can't stop myself...) My parents, in one of those classic and unbelievable love stories, met on an airplane. My father let my mother out of the aisle exiting from a flight in Madrid from Barcelona during the bicentennial summer of 1976. Mom is one of those people that likes to wait for everyone to get off the plane so she can take her time exiting. She read a book to pass the time while the anxious and angry Europeans fought their way off. Dad, saw her sitting by the window waiting, and, stunned by her beauty (though he was quite the looker himself), was so speechless all he could do was gesture lamely with his hand for her to exit, blocking a tidal wave of angry Europeans behind him.

And once on the Piccadilly line I saw a young student sitting beside a large, stuffed dog in the vein of a carnival prize. The dog was the size of a human, bright blue and taking up a seat of his very own. "May I?" I asked the student and he moved the dog and placed it on his lap.

There was a pause.

"So..." I said, "what's his name?"

The student looked at me through his glasses with a slight, good-humored surprise. "He does not have one."

"Oh."

"Do you want to name him?"

HELL YES I DID. After all-- I LOVE NAMING THINGS. But then I totally blanked. Nothing was coming. So I blurted out the most obvious choice I could think of-- "Alexander!"

"Alexander? That is a Greek name! I am Greek!"

"Really?"

"Yes, George, nice to meet you."

"Greek George-- as in Jorges?"

"Yes! That is good."

"I worked in a Greek restaurant as a teenager,"  I am sort of proud.

"What is your name?"

I hung my head in shame slightly... "Alexandra."

"Ah I see!"

George told me he was a student studying Economics at one of the London Universities. Then he asked what I did and I pointed to a Carousel poster and said-- "uhh...that's me." AND THEN GEORGE TOOK THE TIME TO COME TO THE SHOW! He is (and was) terribly nice and I hope he an Alexander are doing well.

7. Addressing points in numerical order.

I would assume this one is self-explanatory.

8. Amber

(or, technically, resinite) is fossilized tree resin (not sap), which has been appreciated for its color and natural beauty since Neolithic times. (It has been appreciated by me since 1983 minimum). Found primarily in Scandinavia and elsewhere around the Baltic Sea (it is generally accepted that the amber from the Baltic region is the world’s finest, although the word "amber" itself is derived from the old Arabic word "anbar"); and because it originates as a soft, sticky tree resin, amber sometimes includes animal and plant material as inclusions. There are five classes of amber, defined on the basis of their chemical constituents. (Bwahaha I know stuff about amber because I like it so much).

Amber is used to symbolize power, command and authority. It indicates that rewards come through the productive intellect and the harvest of creative faculties. Wearing amber, either as a stone or as a string of beads, brings victory despite competition and opposition. It counteracts the dangers of loss through law. Looks. Function. Depth. Amber: What's not to like?

9. All things Muppet

Someone once asked me which Muppet I would be and I said this was a very difficult question because there was a pronounced difference between the Muppet we wish to be and the Muppet we are.

I suppose this is same with almost any “if you could be any XX what would it be?” question but therein lies the crux— the operative word here is the “if you could” versus the “if you were.” (I'm not certain if it is clear, but semantics are sort of delightful and important to me. But I digress...)

So. If I could be any Muppet? Tough. Kermit and Grover is as close as I can narrow it down without an extended essay.

But if I were any Muppet? I'm afraid the truth is that I am most likely a combination of Snuffalupagus, Bert, and Statler & Waldorf (They are two ornery, disagreeable old men who first appeared in the The Muppet Show heckling the rest of the cast from their balcony seats?)

...Yourselves?

10. Venice

It is at the beginning of Chapter Six in Italo Calvino's Invisible Cities that Kublai Khan confronts Marco Polo about the subject of Venice.

“There is still one of which you never speak.”
Marco Polo bowed his head.
“Venice,” the Khan said.
Marco smiled. “What else do you believe I have been talking to you about?”
The emperor did not turn a hair. “And yet I have never heard you mention that name.”
And Polo said: “Every time I describe a city I am saying something about Venice.”

Marco Polo eventually admits that all his described cities are one and the same city: Venice, his Home. His point of origin. The Khan marvels at this.

So do I. Because it is not merely Calvino's artistry and vision that articulates this fine point upon everyone's individual relationship with their Home, but he defines as best he can the evocative nature of Venice itself in a literal sense. Venice is a stirring place-- sexy, dangerous, elegant, nurturing, beautiful, not at all unlike the many facets of a living woman. And it is as if the spirit of this woman has cast a spell over every one that has ever known her, changed them, then altered them eternally. Then suddenly, and without warning, she disappeared-- and we are all left in the wake of our memories, searching for the way she made us feel, the way she made us think, see, live.. or perhaps just simply to be with her, again. And in traveling to Venice you will not encounter the woman. No. Rather you will encounter all of those who lived within her birthplace. They are stunned; haunted by their lost love. They see her in every flicker of light upon the ornate glass figures. They smell her scent around every narrow cobbled alleyway. Her image is reflected in every canal. Her face behind every Carnivale mask.  

“Or perhaps, speaking of other cities, I have already lost it, little by little...”

"Subterranean Blues" - ©Nick Bantock