London Still: November 2020

First Prologue

They brought a woman
from the street
And made her
sit in the stalls
By threats
By bribes
By flattery
Obliging her to share
a little of her life
with actors

But I don't understand art

Sit still, they said

But I don't want to see sad things

Sit still, they said

And she listened to everything
Understanding some things
But not others
Laughing rarely,
and always without knowing why
Sometimes suffering disgust
Sometimes thoroughly amazed
And in the light again, said

If that's art I think it is hard work
It was beyond me
So much beyond my actual life

But something troubled her
Something gnawed her peace
And she came a second time, armoured with friends

Sit still, she said

And again,
she listened to everything
This time
understanding different things
This time
untroubled that some things
Could not be understood
Laughing rarely
but now without shame
Sometimes suffering disgust
Sometimes thoroughly amazed
And in the light again said

This is art,
it is hard work
And one friend said,
too hard for me
And the other said,
if you will
I will come again
Because I found it hard
I felt honoured

-- Howard Barker,
from The Bite of the Night

28 November, 2020

"Forever"

Heck YES!

Some of you know this has been a challenging time for me. (Not losing sight of the fact that it has been a trial for everyone on earth during this life-altering COVID pandemic).

I’ll explain less cryptically when I am ready, but for now, know this:
It makes the timing of my beloved Alec's’s proposal this weekend extraordinarily perfect.

Insane bonus points for the bluest of blue gemstones, and refashioning this ring
from My mother's gems and the melted down gold from my Dad’s wedding band. [*weeps*]

I had no idea, was utterly shocked, and quite truly believed love like this would not happen for me.

It goes to show that working on ourselves, remaining open (even when it’s terrifying) and allowing life to surprise you brings about the truest definition of magic I can muster. Plus, Alec and I already reeeeallly know the meaning of the phrase “in sickness and in health...”

Alec, this was the easiest YES of my life. Thank you for your access to joy, for the way you cherish, for your unconditional support, discerning mind, compassionate soul, and for being your singular, irreplaceable self.

Yes, I will marry you.