Mistakes to Avoid When Writing: Part 3

Welcome back to Mistakes to Avoid When Writing Part 3: The Hot Mess Never Ends Edition. This is the post where we will address your descriptions that read like an instruction manual for beige paint, your deeply toxic relationship with “just tweaking this one sentence” for 11 hours, and your insistence on writing in total solitude like some haunted widow scratching poems into the walls of a lighthouse. 

 Let’s dig in.


7. Editing As-You-Go (Like a Masochist)
Every time you stop to “just tweak that one sentence,” a writer fairy dies and your book gets one step closer to never being finished. That’s not a fact, but it FEELS true. You are not building the Eiffel Tower out of toothpicks. 

When in this early stage of a novel, getting words onto the page is the most important thing rather than writing the correct spelling or a sentence. You don’t need to polish Chapter One to perfection before you’re allowed to write Chapter Two. Writing is drafting, then shaping. If you keep going back to fix things mid-process, you’ll be stuck in an endless loop of “almost done” that never actually finishes.
 Just write the damn thing.

So repeat after me: Separate your writing and your editing! Make them two different processes, independent of one another. If you are constantly going back and changing small details, you will never move forward. If you are always second-guessing yourself and everything you put into the story, you will be exhausted and the creativity will dry up. Don’t edit a single thing until the first draft is finished. You’re polishing the hood ornament of a car that doesn’t have wheels. Editing as you go is like trying to vacuum the house while the party is still happening. It’s a waste of time, and it kills the flow.

Try This: 
    •    Set a timer: No editing until you write for 25 minutes straight. Just word-vomit.
    •    Use [BLAH] for anything you can’t figure out right now. Come back later.
    •    Write in Comic Sans or some hideous font so you won’t be tempted to make it “pretty” until Draft Two.
It can be trash. It should be trash. That’s what second drafts are for — and third drafts, and crying. 


8. Fluffy Dialogue
If your characters are saying things like:

    “As you know, Bob, we’ve worked at this company for 10 years,” 

please shut the laptop and take a walk. A long one.  

You know what’s worse than clunky, unnatural dialogue? NOTHING. Nothing is worse. Dialogue can skyrocket your story to success, or sink it to the bottom. The difference between these two can be a matter of a few words. People don’t speak in exposition dumps or perfect grammar. 

 

People don’t talk like that. (Well most don’t; I don’t know the weirdos in your life) The first step is to make sure each character has a distinct voice which emerges naturally from detailed character development (as discussed in Part 1 of this series), and which should always come before you dive into the main bulk of story-writing.

Then? Give your characters mess! Give them the kind of weird, specific, spice that lives in your group chats.

Terrible dialogue should never stop your momentum or workflow (as discussed above, you can always edit it later), but in ht grand scheme remember that unnecessary pieces of dialogue only add bulk, and rarely quality. The good news is that tightening up lame dialogue is usually an easy, if not vaguely embarrassing,  process. 

Next, you want to identify and eliminate words that are unwanted or redundant. For [horrifying] example:

    “Kevin, are you upset with John for some reason?” Sarah asked. 
    “You’re absolutely right, I am mad at John!” Kevin replied. 
    “Why is that, Kevin? You do not have a reason to be mad.” 
    “Oh yes I do, Sarah. I have every reason. Can you not see how mad I am?” 

Sure this exchange has clarity, but I regret to inform you: this dialogue stinks and sounds like two customer service reps on a Zoom call.  It is stilted, repetitive, unrealistic to how human beings genuinely communicate, and above all: many parts aren’t even needed. 

Here is how this exchange looks once tightened and compressed:

    “You’re upset with John?” Sarah asked. 
    “Of course.” Kevin said. 
    “I don’t get it.” 
    Kevin felt the heat gathering in his face as his hands began to shake. 

The exact same information is gleaned within a sleeker format, and action that delivers some nice “showing-not-telling.” This exchange thus reads easier and allows the story to keep moving at a better pace. So. What do you do? 

Try this:
    •    Read your dialogue out loud. If you cringe? Rewrite it. If it sounds stiff, it probably is. 
    •    Cut at least 30% of it. People don’t talk that much, I promise.
    •    Watch an episode of your favorite sitcom and write down the actual lines. Study how short, sharp, and weird they are.
Give your characters personality, rhythm, and, most importantly, purpose. 
I beg you. 

9. Bland Descriptions

    “She walked into the room. It was nice.” 

NO. 

Sorry kid, your descriptions are so dry they could crack a lip. Descriptions demand a balancing act:

• Too much description overwhelms the readers and kills a scene. 
• Too little leaves readers feeling lost. 
• And BLAND descriptions leave readers bored and uninterested.

Achieving the right balance means aiming to immerse your readers fully into your world. It gives life to your story and paints the right image in your readers’ minds without robbing them of their own imaginative experience. 

 

Try this:

    •    Go through your draft and highlight every “nice,” “pretty,” or “beautiful.” Replace them with a specific image, texture, or sound.
    •    Take photos of real places/objects. Write descriptions based only on what you see.
    •    Start the descriptions early, and build on them gradually as you go. 
    •    Avoid describing places your characters haven’t been to yet. Describe them when they first arrive. 
    •    Be specific but selective. Be detailed when showing your readers what they need to know, but include only what is necessary and relevant.
    •    Include all senses in your descriptions. Sight, smell, touch, sound, and taste—if applicable.

All to say: don’t write like you’re filing a police report. Descriptions should evoke a mood, a feeling, a sensory anchor. It’s not enough to say the room was “nice” or the trees were “green.” What did it smell like? What did it remind the character of? The right detail — just one — can bring a whole scene to life. What does it feel like in there? Smell like? What made her want to cry, scream, or order a burrito? Give me something, anything, that doesn’t read like a real estate listing.


10. Writing in a Vacuum / Trying to Do It All Alone Like a Martyr 

You are not a mystical genius who has to write your masterpiece in total isolation while slowly unraveling.  

 

Share your mess with people who get it. 

Take a nap. 

Read something good. 
Get out. See sky. 
Let someone else tell you your pacing is off. 
You’ll survive. 
I promise.

I get it. You’re sensitive. You don’t want feedback because what if they hate it? But here’s the thing: writing in total isolation is how you end up with 300 pages of beautifully arranged nonsense. You need other eyeballs. You need humans who will say, “Babe… what the hell is this?”
Feedback isn’t cruelty. It’s community.

Writing a novel is hard. Doing it alone is harder. Share your work with trusted readers. Take breaks to read other books. Talk to writers. Get feedback — and learn how to separate the helpful from the noise. Community and perspective are your best antidotes to burnout, doubt, and tunnel vision. Be a human being with goals and friends and a bathing schedule. I say this with love, but also urgency: let someone read your stuff. 

Try this:
    •    Join (or start) a low-stakes feedback group: 3-5 people, snacks optional but recommended.
    •    Share one paragraph with a trusted friend. Not the whole novel — just dip a toe.
    •    If you can’t handle feedback yet? Read your work out loud to yourself. Even that will reveal weak spots.

Finally:

You’ve reached the final boss level, and spoiler alert: it’s you, hun. It’s always been you. Your fear, your perfectionism, your refusal to let anyone read your work until it’s been edited 486 times and smells like burnt toast from all the stress. 

 

But here’s the thing—if you want to write a story that hits people in the chest, you gotta stop being so damn precious about it. Let your sentences be ugly. Let your characters make mistakes. Let someone else read your stuff, even if it makes you want to barf. That’s the real magic. 

 

Now go on, you gloriously unstable word-witch—I believe in your messy masterpiece.

 

Mistakes to Avoid When Writing: Part 2

So you read the first list of novel-writing mistakes and thought,
     “Okay, fine, I won’t let my main character have violet eyes, a tragic violin backstory, and absolutely no flaws.” 

Growth! 

But unfortunately (for both of us), the disasters don’t stop there. You’ve merely arrived at the second layer of the flaming lasagna that is writing a novel.
Because guess what? There are still more ways to mess up your writing—and yes, GUILTY, I’ve made every single one of them (while eating cereal out of a mug and calling it “dinner.”)

If your novel is all “vibes” and no story, if your dialogue sounds like it was composed by Alexa, or if you keep quietly skipping every emotional beat because it makes you feel things? I get it. Feelings are exhausting. But so is reading a book where nothing happens and no one reacts to anything. This is the part where I burst through the drywall holding a red pen and a shot of espresso and yell, “WHERE’S THE PLOT, BRENDA?!”

This list Part 2 is here to make sure your novel survives your worst instincts.  
Let’s get you back on track.

 

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4. Failing to Plan / Not Knowing the Plot

There are times when a writer reaches the end of a manuscript, and comes to the terrible realization that they have no idea what the hell is going on. 

 

I love a chaotic vibe and all. But if you’re 40 pages in and your main character still doesn’t know what they want, that’s emotional roulette. (Some structure is sexy, okay?) Even a sticky note that says “[something sad happens here]” is better than nothing. Whether you are a fan of outlining or not, planning is essential to writing any kind of complex story (particularly a novel).  

 

I, too, can be lazy and allergic to commitment. But writing a novel with no plan is like driving cross-country with no GPS and a dead phone. You’ll end up in a ditch, surrounded by cacti and plot holes, sobbing into your giant Slurpee. If nothing else, you must know where the story is going. If not all the details, I suggest (perhaps) the beginning, (maybe some kind of) the middle, and, (if I may) the end. 
Here is a mini step-by-step guidance for building a plot structure—just enough scaffolding to guide the story, never enough to trap it. 

Try This: 
Begin with the “big five beats”: 

1. An opening image or situation that captures your character’s normal
2. An inciting incident that disrupts that normal
3. A midpoint turning point that complicates everything
4. A low point or crisis that forces your character to face what’s truly at stake, and 
5. A resolution where something—externally or internally—changes for good. 

These aren’t shackles—they’re scaffolding. You can fill in more steps later, but even this rough shape will help you spot where tension builds, where transformation happens, and where you’re heading. Keep it messy. Let it evolve. Structure isn’t your enemy—it’s your compass. Just don’t forget you’re allowed to leave the path if the story finds a better one.


5. Leaning on Clichés
 If your opening line sounds like the back of a paperback romance in a grocery store clearance bin, delete it. I’m talking: “she was a feisty spitfire with a past,” or “the night was dark and stormy” garbage. In a world chock-full of novels, readers want something original. Nothing will have someone closing a book for good faster than the use of multiple cliches that make your soul itch. We get it.

Clichés include phrases such as:
    •    A bun in the oven.
    •    A diamond in the rough.
    •    When all is said and done.
    •    When it rains, it pours.

These are just a handful of examples, and of course there are many more and ohmygah. I’m already in hives and I haven’t yet read your virtuosic over-use of “through thick and thin” yet. NO. Stop it. I implore thee. 

Clichés are placeholders for real thought. A writer will insert a cliche that makes sense because they don’t want to spend time thinking of a new way to say it. They sneak in when you're tired or rushing or trying to sound like “a writer.” You are better than this. Instead, try to write the same idea in a different way. (And hot tip: first draft cliché placeholders are fine while you wait for something better to manifest, just be SURE to replace them in the next draft. Your secrets are safe with me).

 Don’t write like a robot who read too many Tumblr posts in 2011. Say it the way your weird little brain sees it.


6. Skipping the Hard Emotional Work
A novel isn’t just stuff happening—it’s how your characters feel about what’s happening. Don’t be afraid to go there. Don’t avoid the challenging scenes that require utterly true, un-choreographed emotionality. Emotional truth is what keeps a reader turning pages. If you the creator flinch away from it, the reader will feel the gap.

 

And here is where I get extra real with you. 

Listen, oh valiant writer, dreamer divine and creator extraordinaire: You cannot write something truly great without letting it cost you something. Not everything. But something.  You can write clever plots, interesting characters, and even very pretty sentences from a distance—but the work that moves people will ask you to walk through the fire yourself. There is no shortcut around sitting right in the center your grief, your rage, your shame, your longing, the ugliest parts of you, the most out-of-control parts of you, the humiliating and human parts—all connected to your deepest ache for belonging. 

 

So if you are—even inadvertently— trying to skip that part? You must take a deep breath, and find your courage. 

 

I know. I know personally how valiant an ask this is, on several artistic levels. But if you are in any way waiting to be less afraid, less messy, or more “ready” or “perfect”—you're not creating art, you're managing your image. 

And hey; that’s okay. Many of us start there. 
But if you want to go further, deeper, fuller, richer— the page or stage or screen or canvas MUST become a place where you are more honest, authentic and unabashed than your are polished. As Brené Brown says, “You can choose courage or you can choose comfort, but you cannot have both.” Art requires the choice of courage.

Try this: 

    •    Write the scene you’re avoiding first. Get it over with. It won’t kill you (probably).
    •    Journal as your character. What are they really thinking but too scared to say?

    •    The next time you find yourself resisting a scene, a character, or a theme—pause and ask: what am I protecting myself from? That’s often exactly where the gold lives. You don’t have to bleed all over the page, nor exclusively suffer to make worthwhile art, but you do have to tell the truth—especially the emotional truth you’re tempted to sidestep.  

 
Write the embarrassing version. The “too-much” version. The version you’d never read aloud at a dinner party. That’s the one with life in it. The only way out is through. And when you come out the other side, you won’t just have a better draft—you’ll be a braver artist. And person. 

 

Finally:

 
You made it through Round Two and didn’t throw your laptop into a ravine—I’m proud of you. The truth is, every writer makes these mistakes. But not every writer is brave enough to admit they’re just out here vibes-ing their way through chapter 12 with no outline, hoping the muse shows up like DoorDash. But you? You showed up, officially one step closer to writing a novel that doesn’t make readers scream “WHY” into the void. 

Keep going. 

© hula seventy

Ask Al: The Power of Saying "No" — Part 1

Let’s talk about the holy word every artist needs to learn to wield like a bedazzled machete: NO.

This post is for every tender, brilliant, creatively exhausted soul who has said yes to an unpaid reading again, agreed to do someone’s weird indie podcast at midnight for “exposure,” or joined a 12-person devised theatre project because "you felt bad." 

 

There’s a moment—just before you type “Sure!” or say “Happy to!”—when your stomach drops.
You know that feeling. That little whisper that says, I actually can’t. Or I don’t want to.
But you override it. Because you’re grateful. Or scared. Or simply trained.

 

You know who you are. And? You are not alone.  

Here’s what I want to tell you, with love and no apology:

You don’t have to take every gig.
You don’t have to say yes just because it’s “something.”
Saying no doesn’t make you difficult—it makes you sovereign.

 

Furthermore: 

You don’t owe your creativity to hustle. 

You don’t owe your art to pleasing others.
You owe yourself honesty. 

 

That might sound like:

“Thank you for thinking of me. I won’t be able to take this on right now.”

 

It’s tender. It’s brave. And it’s allowed.

Your “no” protects your art. Let it.

  

Let’s get into the full-body liberation that comes from saying “nah,” “no thank you,” “not for me,” and my personal favorite: “lol no.”

 

⸻

 

1. Saying "No" Sets Boundaries — and Boundaries = Clarity
“No” is a door.
A boundary. A border. A line in the sand that says:

“I matter, too.”

When you say “NO” with clarity, you give others the map to care for and respect you properly. Clarity is respectful. Without clarity, everyone is just guessing—and often guessing wrong.

Repeat after me: “Boundaries are not cruelty.” What boundaries are are a series containers that helps us care for each other better, communicate limitations, and actually (statistically!) breed more trust, not less. Think of it this way: when we know where the lines on the road are, all parties relax and drive within the lines. 

Boundaries are also how we love ourselves. They’re how we say, “I am a whole-ass person with limits and needs and a spine.” 

As the great Dr. Brené Brown says: 

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” 

But Artists, especially those of us who’ve ever gone through a dry spell (achem), often feel like we have to say yes to every crumb of opportunity, attention, or praise. Yet when you say yes to everything, you’re saying no to something else — like your time, your focus, or the sweet blessed act of sitting on your couch in silence eating honey mustard pretzels. So step one is first about knowing where your boundaries ARE, then practicing exercising them without having a people-pleasing meltdown. 
 

💡 Try this:
    •    Prompt: “When I said 'yes' but wanted to say 'no,' what did it cost me?”
    •    Write: Write a list of your non-negotiables— times you’re unavailable, projects you don’t want to do, vibes you will not tolerate. (More on this exercise in the next post!) 
    •    Action: Practice saying no to tiny things. Decline an invitation. Admit a limitation. Say no to cake (“Do you want dessert?” “No.” [But like… later, hell yes...]). 

 

PSA: Weathering the experience of not taking responsibility for other people's disappointment or squirrely reactions to the word "No," not because you lack accountability, but because not every emotional reaction is our responsibility, and disappointing someone's expectations is very different from causing harm. 

 

 

2. Saying "No" Is Self-Care, Not Selfishness
The next time someone asks you to do something and your first instinct is to cancel your own needs to accommodate them, pause. You don’t have to justify rest. Saying “no” to a gig, a favor, or even a social invite doesn’t mean you’re lazy or ungrateful — it means you know your bandwidth.

Self-care isn’t about sheet masks and bubble baths. Care of Self looks like sending an email that says:

    “Thank you for thinking of me—but I won’t be able to commit.”

You are allowed to protect your time, your energy, and your body. In fact, big picture? By doing do you are protecting your ability to keep serving the wider world long term. If life is a marathon and not a sprint, than making sure you don’t burn out in mile 1 is essential. 

As Audre Lorde said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.” And I bet she didn’t write that quote while doing someone’s 11th rewrite for free.

💡 Try this:
    •    Prompt: “What would my ideal week look like if I said no to things that drained me?”
    •    Write: Make a “Hell Yes or No” list — if it’s not a full-body YES, it’s a polite NO.

    •    Action: Map out your schedule for the week. See what’s making your chest tighten? Start there. 

 

 

 3. Over-commitment = Slow Death and Burnout
There’s a very specific panic that comes from opening your calendar and seeing back-to-back commitments that sounded “manageable” when you agreed to them six weeks ago. Saying no helps keep your time, energy, and life force intact — so you can actually make that thing you’ve been dreaming about instead of ghostwriting someone else’s mediocrity.

 

Let me be blunt: if you say yes to everything, your work suffers. Your health suffers. Your people suffer because you become the cranky goblin version of yourself. Nobody wins.

 

Saying “no” reduces burnout
Over-commitment is a fast train to resentment.
And resentment is creativity’s death rattle.

If every “yes” is a withdrawal, then “no” is how you re-balance the books. Let yourself be a finite resource, not an infinite machine. 

💡 Try this:

    •   Prompt: Ask yourself: "If I say 'yes' to this, what am I saying 'no' to?" Be honest. 
    •   List: Inventory your current “yes” pile. Color-code by “joy,” “neutral,” and “WTF did I do this.”
    •   Action: Rehearse a graceful no: “Thank you for thinking of me! I can’t take that on right now.” (more on exactly how to craft these this in Part 2!)

 

4. Saying "No" Builds Confidence (and a Personality)
Confidence doesn’t magically appear. It comes from tiny, repeated acts of self-respect. Every time you say “no” with clarity and grace, you reinforce the truth that you matter. That your needs are real. That your time is valuable. That your boundaries are worth enforcing.

And suddenly, you’re not some trembling leaf hoping people like you— you’re a whole tree with roots, babe. Watch yourself stand taller. 

 

That’s the real muscle memory we need to build—not just for our art, but for our life.

💡 Try this:
    •    Prompt: “When did I say 'no' and feel proud of it?” Write the whole story. Including the "fallout," "consequences" and freedoms. Really examine which parts are yours and which are not. 
    •    Action: Practice your "no" in increasing levels. Start with “I can’t,” then level up to “I don’t want to.” Own it.
    •   Track: Notice how much energy you save when you stop people-pleasing. Track that.

 

 

 5. Healthy "No’s" Create Better Relationships
Contrary to your inner panic gremlin’s opinion, saying no does not mean everyone will hate you. In fact, clear boundaries make you easier to trust. People don’t have to guess where you stand. 

 

Saying “no” improves your relationships. When you say “yes” while seething on the inside, no one wins.
But when you say “no” with grace and clarity, you allow your relationships to be based on truth, not performance. Real love honors limits. 

 

And if someone does get mad at your no? That tells you something important about them. Spoiler alert: It ain’t good.

💡 Try this:
    •   Action: Practice saying no to someone safe (like a friend who gets it)
    •   Action: If someone guilt-trips you, pause and breathe. That’s about them, not you.
    •   Prompt: “How do I feel when others say 'no' to me? Can I offer myself the same grace?”

 

 

6. Saying "No" Enriches Your Life
Every “no” is a secret “yes” to something else.

Yes to your rest.
Yes to your writing.
Yes to not doing it all.
Yes to integrity.

Your life deserves to be built on choices that align with you.

 

When you’re not constantly performing favors, chasing approval, or duct-taping yourself into projects that don’t align with your spirit, you can finally hear your own voice again. THAT is where the good stuff lives. 

  

That’s where the best art is born. Not in the 14th “quick turnaround” you took out of guilt.

💡 Try this:
    •    Write: Write a mission statement for your artist life. Use it to guide your decisions (it'll help you when you get wobbly!)
    •    Action: Each week, say “no” to one thing that doesn’t serve you. See what happens.
    •    Prompt: “What do I want to make room for?”

7. Saying "No" Supports Mental Health 

Chronic yes-ing is a trauma response. It’s rooted in fear of rejection, scarcity, and shame. 

 

Your brain is not a bottomless buffet of resilience. Every “yes” chips away at your capacity. Saying no lets you preserve what matters. But healing begins when we realize: we don’t need to overgive to be loved. You are allowed to say no without explanation—and still be good, kind, and worthy.
 

It is an act of trust— in yourself, your future, and your worth. It is the artist’s version of spiritual exfoliation: clear away the gunk so you can SHINE.

💡 Try this:
    •    Observe: Notice the difference between “obligation yes” and “aligned yes.”
    •    Action: De-clutter your to-do list with the Marie Kondo method in reverse: does it spark dread? Toss it.
    •    Prompt: “What would it feel like to protect my peace like it was my [INSERT high-stakes answer here: i.e child/ identity/paycheck]?”

Conclusion (Or: A Love Note Wrapped in a “No”)


 

Saying no is not selfish. It’s not rude. It’s not a luxury reserved for the confident, the famous, or the “already successful.” It is a muscle. And the more you use it, the stronger it gets. So here’s your permission slip to say no— loudly, softly, awkwardly, eloquently, whatever works.

Say it while shaking. Say it with snacks nearby. Say it and then log off.
 Say it for the you that knows what you’re capable of.

 

Your “no” is a gift. 
To your creativity.
To your nervous system.
To your future self.
 

Let your no’s be clean. Let your yeses be whole.

 

Mistakes to Avoid When Writing: Part 1

Aspiring writer, we need to talk.

Not The Talk. Not the birds and bees—the one where I lovingly talk in all caps into your face about the ways you are silently (and spectacularly) tanking your project before it’s even crawling out of the draft stage. 

 

Writing is a rigorous journey full of pitfalls, rewarding learning experiences, and everything in between. (Literally: despair, joy, weeping, staying awake for three days and nights, failing to shower, triumph, inspiration, voices in your head, you name it). 

 

Writers have a lot of liberty when writing fiction (it is made up after all), and rules are often bent, beat up, blasphemed, and broken. And no one minds because it’s fiction (unless it’s not, but that’s a different essay).

 

All to say: you’re talented, you’ve got the vibes, that's great; but “following The Muse” doesn’t mean you should abandon grammar, good writing and compelling storytelling altogether. Don't do that. I thank you in advance. You'll be saving my life. Because if I read one more story where the main character “lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding” while “the sun slants like gold syrup over the city,” I am going to walk directly into the sea with my laptop.

 

But don't feel timid or embarrassed or all shame-y. I have made every single writing mistake there is (and some that aren’t even on this list because they’re too humiliating to put in writing—you’re welcome), and I am here, like the Ghost of Drafts Past, to stop you from making them too. This isn’t about shaming! The opposite! It’s about belief in you! Belief in the form of taking you by the shoulders, shaking you gently (but firmly) and saying: CUT THAT OUT. 

So. Here’s your anti-disaster checklist: the most common mistakes to avoid when writing your novel. (Or Screenplay. Or short story. Or one-act. Or whatever. But I’ll be using “novel” as a catch all.)
Use it. Love it. Tattoo it on your forehead.

 

*

1. Writing Unrealistic Characters
 

There are many mistakes to avoid when writing a novel, but creating weak and unbelievable characters is the most detrimental. A story is nothing without its characters. All characters, both big, small, main, and secondary must be believable and REAL. Perfect characters are boring. Real people are contradictory, flawed, and dynamic—so your characters should be too. Embodied. Full-realized. Truthful. Many writers become lazy with their characters and don’t flesh them out enough.

 

Characters shouldn’t just exist to move the story along like chess pieces. They should want things, make mistakes, act out of fear or love or ego. They should have weird urges and panic attacks and make bad decisions. Not every single character that shows up in the story needs a full history and comprehensive backstory, but the main ones certainly do. And if you ask me (and if you’re reading this, you literally are)— “more is more” when it comes to fleshing out a character’s reality. If a character is not well thought out, or deep enough; if your character is doing something “because it needs to happen” for the plot, then Houston: we have a problem. Those are characters who read like cardboard in a wig and serve plot, not truth.

 

The best books, regardless of genre, are the ones that draw tears, laughter, empathy, derision, loathing, desire, pathos and everything that real human beings evoke, from the readers. People are awkward and insecure and say the wrong thing constantly. They cry in CVS. They ghost their friends. They overthink text messages for three hours. You want your readers so invested in your characters that they feel real emotions when things (true things, messy things, unattractive and humiliating things) happen to them. Nobody wants to read about perfect people doing nothing wrong. Give me mess. Give me someone who texts their ex after two drinks, or panics at the self-checkout.

 

As a writer who is also an actor, and has acting training, I find the creation of characters comes more naturally than some of the other aspects of story-writing because the toolkits overlap perfectly. If I am interpreting a character someone else wrote, I ask questions like:

• Who is this person?
• Where are they from?
• What do they want?
• What is their greatest obstacle?
• What do the do to get what they want?
• Why are they the way they are?
• What happened to make them this way?
• How will they change by the end of the story?
• If they do not change, why not? 
• What are they longing for?
• Do they have big dreams?
• What are they afraid of?
• Who do they hate the most? 

Or anything else you don’t already know about them, big or small. Do this for your protagonist and antagonist. Then, start on the secondary characters. It won’t be long before you feel a renewed desire to tell their story.

Start there. Hopefully each answer will propel you forward to ask hundreds more, and before long you are in a dialogue with a chattier that feels like a new, very intimate friend. All the answers your character reveals lead the action and thus, the plot. 

 

Let your characters lead sometimes — they often know better than you do.  Let them fight you. Let them screw up. That’s what makes them compelling.

 

2. No Conflict = No Story (sorry, I don’t make The Rules)

 
This is one of the most important mistakes beginners make in writing. Stories need tension. A story is not a story without conflict. Conflict isn’t just physical fights; it’s tough decisions, emotional stakes, internal battles. Without it, readers drift. A central conflict is what drives the entire plot and moves the story forward. Something needs to disrupt the life of your protagonist. It can be a physical circumstance or an internal redirection, but it must be something life-changing. 

Haven't you screamed at protagonists as they hacked blithely in to their husband's email, waltzed off to Mordor, The Room of Requirement or drunk Facetimed their ex despite all evidence that not doing precisely that would be much more pragmatic? Exactly. Conflict gives the story purpose. 

So don’t be afraid to give me characters in a pickle or three that’s where the story lives. Otherwise, it’s just vibes and no plot, and we already have Instagram for that. Something has to go wrong. Someone has to want something and not be able to get it. If your book doesn’t have a little chaos, betrayal, or at least one ill-advised decision, what are we even doing here?

3. Creating a Confusing Point of View
 

While the point of view is flexible, head-hopping (jumping between multiple characters' thoughts in one scene) is jarring and often confusing unless handled masterfully. 

Aspiring authors often gloss over this detail and write wherever their brain takes them. This is okay for a first draft but you must rectify it in the editing process. If I have to read three paragraphs to figure out whose head I’m in, I’m calling the police.

Being consistent in your POV means that the narrator and POV must remaining consistently inside the POV of one character, or at the very least, one character at a time. (i.e. no head-hopping mid-paragraph). One simple rule? Only one point of view per chapter.

Additionally, a crucial way to remain consistently in the head of your character— is to remember to stay within the consciousness/time period/age/intelligence of your character as well. 

That means that the character (and the narrator describing them) should avoid using language unfamiliar or inaccessible to the character at the time of the chapter being read. (As an example: if the character is going to make a huge discovery in the next chapter, they cannot betray or scribe knowledge of the discovery before the event occurs. 

Another way this manifests is if the character is from the 1800s, it is incongruous and inconsistent with their reality to use metaphors and/or descriptions from the digital era (such as “she didn’t have the bandwidth” or “she was channeling; surfing in her mind.”) 

Not every novel will have this problem as some revolve around one point of view in totality. (This could be a form of the third person or the first person from the same character’s perspective throughout.) But many novels change perspective at times, and this can easily become confusing and give your reader POV whiplash. You can switch later, but not mid-paragraph like some kind of literary magician with no audience. 

 

Know who’s telling the story, what they know, and what they don’t. Your reader will thank you with their attention span.
 

 

Final Remarks
There are many mistakes to avoid when writing a novel, and all deserve your attention. So now that I’ve pointed out a few your literary potholes in the prose version of ALL CAPS, I want you to go hydrate, stretch your neck, and go back to that messy draft like the brave, chaotic genius you are.
Will you still make mistakes? Absolutely. And it’s okay to make them – that’s what editing is for! But now you’ll proceed with awareness, and that’s basically halfway to a Pulitzer. 

Go forth. Write recklessly. And for the love of all that is holy, stop naming your love interest “Blaze.” 

We’re done here.
For now. 

Until Part 2.
    ...and okay, Part 3.

 

Writing Tips, Part 3: Crafting a Clear Narrative

Been on the train for 

Writing Tips Part 1 

and Part 2? 

 

Well, next stop: TECHNIQUE TOWN! Population: 1 writer desperately trying not to sound like a thesaurus exploded into a confusing fever dream. Next Station Stop!

 

We’ve all written a paragraph where we switched from past to present tense three times and suddenly the character is both dead and ordering pancakes.

I know, I know SNORE. Technique! Blergh! While it might seem trivial, basic writing mistakes impact the clarity and cohesion of your narrative. I’m not talking about rigid, stuffy, “perfect” grammatical linguistics being superior to other forms of perfectly decent communication, nor am I promoting that style has nothing to do with compelling writing! Quite the contrary, this blogger-since-2007-who-is-currently-playing-games-with-hyphens feels rules are more than merely meant to be broken, she encourages you to explode the rules altogether. Don’t think outside the box! Blow up the box altogether. Kablamo.

But you can’t explode rules you don’t even acknowledge are there, ready for you to come at ‘em with a jackhammer. And good narratives don’t just happen—they’re built. Carefully, lovingly, with a deep respect for the reader’s time, brain-space, and experience. Having a firm grasp on “the rules” gives you a strong foundation to mindfully make artistic choices within the bounds of English language mores, and also give you more agency over when you break them. That’s technique enhancing natural talent.  

Crafting a clear narrative isn’t about sounding smart — it’s about not confusing the hell out of your reader (by making them feel like they’re trapped in a confusing improv scene with a rogue thesaurus and a drunk time traveler) 

 

So buckle in, grab a red pen, and let’s clean up that storytelling like it’s a murder scene on Dateline.

*

1. Consistent Tense Usage ( aka: Stay in One Time Zone)

Look. You can write in the past. You can write in the present. But if you’re out here switching between “She walks into the room” and “She had screamed in terror” like you’re building a literary time machine? Your reader is going to throw your book across the room and whisper, “I just wanted peace.” A novel unfolds over chapters and settings, making it crucial to maintain consistent tense usage for a seamless reading experience. If your narrative shifts between past and present tense without a clear purpose, readers will find it disorienting and get literary whiplash.  Pick a lane, babe.  Consistency keeps your reader anchored in reality. Consistency creates rhythm. And rhythm creates trust. Strive for cohesion by choosing and sticking to a tense that aligns with your narrative vision.

Try this:

• Do a “tense pass” after your draft is done — highlight all verbs and check for traitors. Are they all dancing to the same beat?
• When you do shift tenses, do it with intention—like a scene change on a stage— not like you blacked out mid-sentence.
• Practice rewriting a paragraph in both past and present tense. Which feels more alive to your story?

2. Be Faithful with Your Pronouns (aka: Keep References Clear and avoid “Pronoun Chaos”)

“They didn’t know if she meant him or her when she said that to them.”

Baby. WHAT?!
 
Who is “they”? WHO IS “HER”?! Pronoun consistency is vital if you don’t want your reader to feel like they’re deciphering ancient scrolls.
If you start a story talking about Valentina, then suddenly start saying “she” without reminding us who she is, readers start mentally flipping back like, “Wait—who’s ‘SHE’?” Clarity is kindness. Make sure your pronouns are pointing in the right direction and staying loyal to their person. You are the GPS of your story. Please don’t reroute us into a ditch.

Try this:

• Every few paragraphs, double-check: does “he” still mean the same “he”?When in doubt, use the character’s name again. Especially if “she” could mean three different people. Clarity > style. 
• If you're writing multiple POVs, color code them in your notes like a messy little genius.
• Read your piece aloud and circle every “he,” “she,” “they,” or “it.” Could a stranger follow who’s being referred to? 
• In scenes with multiple characters, reintroduce names now and then to keep us grounded.

3. Balancing Active and Passive Voice (aka: Let the Verbs Lead and STOP SAYING “WAS”)

If you keep writing “She was being chased,” and “The door was opened by him,” I’m going to gently tip over a chair. 

Active voice gives your sentences backbone. It says: “I did this.”
Passive voice says: “This was done… by someone… maybe?”
 

While passive voice has its place for specific effects, an overabundance dilutes the impact of your narrative, and if you lean too hard on the passive, your prose gets foggy.
Let your characters do things!
Let the actions leap off the page!

What is Passive Voice?
Passive voice is a grammatical construction that places the object of the sentence before the verb. A sentence written in passive voice shifts the focus from the subject doing the action to the recipient of the action. Sentences in passive voice can be less clear, direct, and concise.
 

The biggest problem with passive voice is that it removes agency and responsibility from the individual carrying out the action. This distinction is particularly important when discussing power dynamics.

How to Spot Passive Voice
Not every use of a “to be” verb is passive voice. A passive voice sentence generally goes like this:

[object of the action] + [to be verb] + [past tense main verb].

TIP: If you can add “by zombies” to the end of your sentence and it still makes sense, it is likely in passive voice. For instance, “The pizza was eaten” still works when you add “The pizza was eaten by zombies.” So, this sentence is written in passive voice. You’re welcome.

How to Change Passive Voice
Identify the subject of the sentence and put it first:

[subject] + [main verb] + [object].

That changes the previous sentence to: “Zombies ate the pizza.”

Passive voice isn’t evil — but if your whole novel sounds like it’s being narrated by a terrified butler, we’ve got a problem. Active voice brings the juice. The guts. The oomph.

Try this:

• Take a page of your writing and rewrite every passive sentence into the active voice. See what happens.Keep passive voice for when the receiver of the action matters more than the doer (e.g., “The cake was eaten”—because the cake is the tragedy here). Use passive voice when you want to obscure responsibility (useful for mystery!). Sparingly.
• When editing, ask: “Who’s doing the action here?” If it’s unclear, bring them to the front of the sentence.
• Highlight every “was” in your draft and ask yourself if you’re being lazy or brilliant.

 

4. Punctuation Precision (aka: This Comma Could Save a Life)

Grammar is like deodorant: you don’t have to use it, but things get real uncomfortable real fast when you don’t. Think of punctuation like the conductor of your sentence symphony. A well-placed comma can create breath. A period can drop the mic. Overusing em-dashes or ellipses? That’s like waving your hands in the air. Readers get tired. Know the rules so you can bend them with style—not confusion.

“Let’s eat Grandma” vs. “Let’s eat, Grandma.” 

Respect the comma.
Respect Grandma.

Try this:

• Read your writing aloud, and pause at every punctuation mark. Does the rhythm feel natural, or like a hiccup?
• Beware of overusing “!” or “…”—they can dilute your power. Trust the words themselves.
• Learn the difference between an em-dash (—) and a hyphen (-). They're not the same. 
• Use commas to separate ideas, not glue them all together into one endless sentence. If your sentences read like breathless text messages from a manic ghost, your reader will quit on you.
• Use periods. Stop writing 97-word sentences, I beg.

5. Know how to Properly Plan. (aka: Don’t Wing It)

Writers love to romanticize chaos—but a clear story needs some kind of map, even if it's scribbled on a napkin. So plan your story (yes, even you, chaotic Pantser!) 

Relatable content

 

“But I don’t want to outline! I like discovering the story as I go!” 

Wahhh. That’s cute. But guess what? You don’t need to outline every beat on a spreadsheet, but you do need to know the emotional arc. Where are we going? Who’s changing? What’s at stake?
Your story needs bones before you start putting skin on it.

Try this: 

• Write a one-paragraph summary of your book. If you can’t? You don’t know what it’s about yet.
• Before you begin, jot down three sentences: where it starts, what shifts, “Oh Sh*t, Everything's Falling Apart” part, how people change, and how it ends.
• Use index cards or sticky notes to lay out scenes. Move them around like a deranged detective. At some point, something will click.

And the big, big. big one:

6.  "Show, Don't Tell" (aka: Let the Reader Feel It)

When you tell readers something, you make a statement they have not choice but to accept as true. When you show them something, you describe and dramatize it, allowing readers to see what's happening and draw their own conclusions. Readers love to “people watch” as much as ordinary humans do—we all draw conclusions based on the snippets of information we collect as we go, and make meaning of those snippets. This is why people watching is fascinating! Telling, (when used sparingly!) IS an excellent way of conveying a lot of information or exposition quickly, but it doesn't allow readers use their imaginations; it doesn't engage or arouse them.

So. Don’t tell me the character is angry—show me how her hands tremble as she tries to unlock the door. Readers want to feel the story, not be briefed on it. Use action, dialogue, body language, and setting to convey emotion and conflict. You’re not just telling a story—you’re building an experience.
Consider these examples of showing and telling:



 

Telling:

Third-person version:  “She was sad.”
First-person version:  “I’m sad.”




This description doesn't actually provide a clear picture of Sadsack Susan.

In what WAY is she sad?
What KIND of sadness is she experiencing?
In what WAY is she demonstrating her sadness?
What kind of activities is she doing to mitigate her sadness?

Also, this passage doesn't reveal anything about Susan. You don't know what age she is or what kind of life she leads, and you don't really care.



 

Showing:

Third person version:  “Susan picked at her dinner, 10 pounds lighter than last week, her sunken eyes fixed on the blinking cursor of her unanswered email.”
First person version:  “I am eating cold fries in the bathtub while Googling ‘how to be a person’ but otherwise fine.”

Here, you can see Sadsack Susan in action, observe her directly and make your own judgements, instead of having the author telling you what to think. 

The telling version gives us information; the other gives us an experience. Your job isn’t just to relay events—it’s to invite the reader inside the emotional weather of the world. In reality, you do need to tell your readers some details to move the narrative from one dramatic passage to another. But mostly you need to build up a vivid picture, which the reader can visualize like a film passing before their eyes.

So once more for the people in the back:

Don’t tell me she’s sad. Show me the woman standing in line at CVS crying into a melted bag of peanut M&Ms! Readers want scenes, not summaries. Telling skips the good stuff. Showing pulls us in like the nosy little drama goblins we are.

Try this: 

• Take a telling sentence and rewrite it with sensory detail. What does it look like? Smell like? Feel like?
• Cut out 5 “feeling words” in your draft and replace them with physical actions or dialogue.
• Pay attention to body language—it’s often more honest than dialogue. (So swap “She was furious” and transform it to “She crushed the paper cup in her hand and whispered, ‘Coolcoolcoolcoolcool.’”)
• Read your favorite novel’s dialogue or description. Where does it show instead of explain?
• Ask yourself: “Could this be a GIF instead of a sentence?” If yes, show it.

Finally:

Crafting a clear narrative doesn’t mean stripping away magic—it means building a vessel strong enough to carry it. Think of these techniques as lanterns along the path, helping your reader move through the woods of your story with wonder, ease, and light.
 

You can do this. And when you get stuck, just say “Gerald the grammar gremlin is acting up again,” eat a snack, and go fix that passive voice.  And remember: you’re not just writing for them. You’re writing for you, too. So be precise, yes—but also be kind.

Let your story breathe.
Let it shine.

Ask Al: When what you're creating is about something deeper...

Dear Al, 

 

You mentioned in [writing] class the other night that you think sometimes there is "something else trying to emerge" from what we originally might have thought our draft was about.  

 

Can you talk more about how to [I'm paraphrasing here] "be in communication" with our work, or how we might better suss out the deeper meanings hidden beneath the surface of our first ideas? 

Thank you,

 

H

 

*

A wonderful question to expand upon. 

First of all, I'll start with a PSA: I am certainly no expert about artistic creation. Yes I do professionally create things, and I also professionally teach and mentor others through the creation of their artworks. But even that doesn't make me an expert in you, your relationship to your own self-awareness, or indeed any aspect of your personal creative process.  PSA ended.

 

That said, in my experience creating my own work and in facilitating the creative processes of others, I've observed that often times, initial offerings can offer hints of a larger "something" at play just below the psychological surface. A kind of (ecstatic or revelatory or totally annoyed) "Ohhhhhh" [lightbulb!]— followed by a realization that what we thought we were writing/acting/singing/painting about... was actually about That Other Thing. And usually— again in my experience— it's The Thing we are always haunted by, working on, avoiding or seeing from a new angle for the first time. 

     "This old thing" our conscious mind says, 

and our subconscious mind is like 

     "Yeah, girl. It's kind of always in some way, about That." 

Like Wagner's light motifs, those familiar themes return to us again and again, ready to be explored or expressed in a new way, sometimes when we were totally convinced we were writing about "Something Totally New and Original and maybe About Penguins!"

Or whatever. 

 

 

Now that can take many shapes and sizes. Let me offer some form-based examples:

- what we thought was a one-act play is actually a screenplay for a TV limited series.

- what we thought was a 1500-word academic essay is actually a 10,000 word collection of personal essays all sharing a similar theme.

- what we thought was a comedic poem featuring "funny words," is actually a very serio-comic poem about the grief of losing a spouse. 

- what we thought was a blog post is actually a full-length memoir (which, of course, is how White Hot Grief Parade came to be)  

The question to ask about psychological truth is "What might this piece really be about?"

And sometimes that Something can come in psychological shapes and sizes. Those might look like this: 

- what we thought was about packing for vacation is actually about our heart-crushing divorce.

- what we thought was about preparing a treasured holiday meal is actually about confronting being abandoned by our mother. 

- what we though was about a poetic observation of the glorious brutality of Alaskan winter is actually about a sense of agency and utter freedom. 

The question to ask when it comes to form is "What else might this be?" 

When we are creating, clarity matters. But we cannot always have these revelations in a timely manner, so we have to be patient, employ trusted eyes, ears and confidants to ask the big questions and press us to present not only our best work, but our truest work, to the world.

 

There was a great example of "something much deeper" from a new student who joined my online writing class [let's call her] Alice last month. She authored a [brilliant, might I say] "funny poem about words that is actually about grief." Alice was actively bored of writing poems about her dead husband, and even announced that fact before she shared her (extremely funny) poem about traveling around Western Europe and learning about all the different words for pastries that she found particularly hilarious. 

"I decided to write a funny poem about pastries and words because I am just sick and tired of my grief poems!" she declared.

After she read the first draft we all talked and laughed. And then I asked her about the origin of this poem. And well, before long, we weren't talking about pastries anymore. She was mentioning how we use strange words to name things in other parts of life. She told a story about visiting her doctor for her annual physical, discussing her health and her doctor using words she found inaccurate, reductive, and even bizarre to name her conditions: 

     "TIRED" and 

     "SAD" 

being two that felt particularly euphemistic.

 

None of the words her doctor used actually named what was going on with her...

 Because what she truly was experiencing was the mental and physical results of 

     "GRIEVING."

She was 

     "HEARTBROKEN" 

and 

     "DEVASTATED." 

 

So no. "TIRED and SAD" just didn't cut it, and this doctor (who was maybe trying, maybe inexperienced, or maybe callous-- who knows?) wasn't using language that named her condition, and might actually help her in a myriad of ways.

All to say: whaddya know? The poem wasn't about funny words and pastries after all. The poem— as much as she was trying to avoid it— was still about her grief.

I think THAT is what I mean. 

 

It is in our best creative (and personal) interest to keep our channels open not merely for what we want to "say" in our work, but for what our work is trying to "say" and tell us. 

 

So here's to staying open to what's happening below the surface, and welcome those messages. 

 

 

Turn Crumbs into a Feast

Hello darling one. Feeling creatively blue? 

Man, we can be such jerks to ourselves! Have you ever had that mean-voiced ticker-tape loop in your head chanting on repeat that you have "NEVER been in a relationship/made money/had success in your hashtag career?"
 
Snore.

Instead of making insulting, jerk-like decisions about yourself and your life, stop using “never/always” statements and try asking yourself questions like these:

- Is this absolutely true?
- Have I NEVER booked a gig/ been in a relationship/ made money…?
- EEEEEVER?
- Am I truly always a trash fire of mistakes and loser-hood?

We’re so quick to decide that if we haven’t totally nailed it, standing-ovation-style, at a Sutton-Foster level of validation, that we suck.
 
Dig deep, look for where you have had successes, no matter how teeny-weeny, and build upon it! Tiny triumph by tiny triumph, micro bit by micro bit.
 
You decide what’s true for you, so if you aren’t staring at a reality that lights you up, change your perception, roll up your sleeves, and change your life—brick by brick.
 
Sometimes, we have to turn what we perceive of as “crumbs” into a feast. That's okay—it teaches us to be realistic, optimistic, and above all: innovative.

Ask Al: Not all opportunities are created equal...

 Hello Al, 

I am a mid-career American actor and would appreciate your professional advice!

As background: I am a professional actor in my mid-thirties, I've performed leading roles in regional American theater, have appeared on concert stages, albums, and have covered multiple roles on Broadway.

I've recently changed agents-- a move I'm largely excited about! However, the very first audition my new agents have sent my way is what I would consider to be a really "poor match" for me and I'm experiencing concern. 

• Concern for how my new agents view me, 
• and for a possibly warped view of how I see myself
• concerned that my agent and I aren't on the same page 
  
• and for tarnishing new relationships by turning down an opportunity (however inappropriate I think that opportunity might be)

Do I take advantage of the base "opportunity to audition" even though the role/job is not one I want?

The project itself is something I have a lot of history with, is in line with my skill set, my personal history/identity, is with a company I would love to work with someday (perhaps on something else), and is indicative of the theatrical work I want to be doing. But the role I have been submitted for is traditionally played by an actor 10-15 years my senior, and as a woman in my mid-thirties, the role seems to be at odds with how I see myself both as a person and in the casting brackets of the industry.  

While perhaps I am indeed perceived as older than I regard myself and need to have a reality check, I think the larger concern is that my new agents and I aren't quite aligned. 

• Should I "suck it up" and take the audition? 
• Do I pass on the opportunity and not mention to the agents how concerned this makes me? 
• Or do I brooch a hard conversation with the new agents? 

I'm so conflicted. But equally, I'm surprised by how "emotionally activated" this situation has made me-- which usually indicates something deeper is at play—so I'm not responding with the clarity I'm accustomed to. I'd so appreciate your advice. 

Concerned

 

*

 

Dear Concerned, 

First of all, congratulations on being a mid-career actor in her thirties who is represented, working at what sounds like an admirably high level of skill and professionalism, and still passionate and committed to her craft in the prime of life! That's a lot to be proud of, and I mention it specifically because I think we often forget to appreciate how much we've accomplished and how far we've come—especially when we might be stuck inside a thought loop. So brava: you made it this far in your manifested artistic life. 

Next, rather than focusing on what the "right" choice is (because there is no "right choice"), my first advice is to get real quiet with yourself and get to the root of these activated feelings before trying to land on a preferred solution. 

Might this be about... 

• being perceived of as older than you are/feel/wish to be viewed and the judgements and emotions that brings up? 
• feeling misunderstood or misrepresented? 
• feeling anxious because you're a recovering people-pleaser, and saying "no—" especially in a new relationship—is extra challenging for you? 
• potentially being perceived of as "difficult" and/or "picky" or "a diva" by this new agent and the casting director and THOSE labels activate you? 
• a self-worth issue? ("who do I think I am to turn this down?") 
  
•  ...or something entirely different?

No matter the reason(s), getting real with yourself about the underlying feelings creating anxiety in this scenario will help you navigate it with better clarity. And I'll add—not ONLY this scenario, but future scenarios that activate your anxiety as well! (And as a post script: your identity as a female on planet earth does not make the above perceptions easier. Women do indeed fight stereotypes about being difficult/a diva/high-maintenance, that in men would be applauded as "knowing their worth" or "having standards...")

Finally, after you've done that, I'd "change the lens" on this for yourself and regard it as an opportunity to have a deeper, more meaningful conversation with your new agent about the kind of work you want to do, the way you wish to be represented in the industry, and to engage in meaningful dialogue about that in a back-and-forth that can only provide data for you both going forward. Just like a misunderstanding in a friendship or romantic partnership, these moments can be ignored and cause fragility, OR they can be the catalyst for a deeper conversation that gives everyone a chance to gain more understanding. 

Your agents might respond with something simple:

• "the casting director asked for you specifically and I felt obligated to send it your way!"
  
• "I figured why not? An audition is an audition, right?"
• Thank you for this feedback-- let's pass and then dig in to other opportunities! 

I'll lightly warn: there is the possibility that your agent will not respond positively, or with the open heart and mind of your design. They might get defensive, double-down, or use language that re-activates some of your fears (for example might say something like "you can't be so picky" or "a lot of my other clients your age are going in, why can't you just trust me?") That is a distinct possibility, and I offer that the quality of their response is equally good data for you going forward.

While opportunities are wonderful, not all opportunities are created equal. 

And while this audition opportunity is one worth considering, the opportunity for deeper discussion is one that should definitely not be passed up!

Al