Brigadoon Program Note

Brigadoon (New Adaptation)

 

I first came to Scotland at eighteen years old, carrying more grief than I knew how to name. I had just lost my father, and in the strange, disorienting way that life sometimes unfolds, I found myself stepping onto a plane bound for Glasgow, where I would begin my training at the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland. I did not yet understand what I was walking into—only that something in me needed distance, and perhaps, without knowing it, needed grounding.

 

What I found there was not an escape, but a place. A people. A way of being in which sorrow and joy were not enemies, but neighbors—each given its due. Scotland did not rush me toward healing. It did not offer easy answers. Instead, it offered something far more enduring: community, memory, music, language, and the quiet knowledge that a life is not lived beyond grief, but in its company.

That experience has stayed with me ever since, deepened through my ongoing relationship with the Conservatoire as a member of its International Advisory Board, and it has shaped every line of this adaptation.

Brigadoon has always been a story about longing—for love, for belonging, for a life that feels fully inhabited. But in returning to this piece, I found myself asking different questions. What does it mean to build a life after loss? What do we do with the parts of ourselves that retreat from love in order to survive it? And what does it cost a community to preserve its identity in the face of a world that threatens to erode it?

 

In this version, the familiar story remains—the extraordinary score, the central romance, the mystery of a village out of time—but the world has been deepened and re-rooted. The action unfolds in the present day, and the people of Brigadoon are shaped by a more historically grounded and culturally specific Scottish life: one informed by research into the early 18th century, the Jacobite uprisings, and the lived realities of Highland communities. These are not figures suspended in a dream, but individuals bound together by shared history, sacrifice, and an unspoken agreement to keep one another alive—emotionally, spiritually, and culturally.

 

At the heart of the piece are two men moving in opposite directions. Jeff Douglas, newly widowed, has shut himself off from feeling in order to survive it. Tommy Albright, by contrast, has never fully allowed himself to feel at all—living a life that looks complete from the outside but remains curiously hollow within. I recognize both of them. I recognize the instinct to build walls around the heart, to hold life at arm’s length, to convince oneself that safety is the same as fulfillment, to mistake a well-made life for a lived one. But I also recognize the cost of that choice.

 

Fiona—and the world she inhabits—offers something radical: not escape, but presence. Not perfection, but participation. She asks Tommy, and all of us, a question that feels both ancient and urgent: are we willing to choose a life that is real, even when it demands everything of us?

 

This production has been shaped in profound collaboration with director and choreographer Katie Spelman—my artistic soulmate in every sense of the word—and a company of artists I am deeply honored to call friends. Together, we have tried to build something that feels both faithful and new: a Brigadoon that honors the legacy of Lerner and Loewe while allowing it to speak to a contemporary audience with clarity and urgency.

 

I am endlessly grateful to the Frederick Loewe Foundation and to the Lerner family for entrusting me with this extraordinary material. The American musical is one of our most vital storytelling forms, and to be invited into its lineage in this way is a responsibility I carry with deep humility. This work is, above all, in service—to the artists who came before, to those sharing the stage today, and to you, the audience, who complete the experience. 

If there is a single idea I hope lingers after the final note fades, it is this, included in my stage directions on the very final page: 

WIDOW LUNDIE: Come, lad. 

 

[She extends her hand. In her gesture is both a terrible and tender truth: that while men stumble and falter, sometimes the world does not hold their failure against them. Sometimes the door opens again. And in that opening lies the mystery of grace: that we may be welcomed home, even after we have turned away…] 

 

 

I Would Like to Report That I Am Thriving (Deranged Edition)

Oh hello. WTF. I am currently in Los Angeles having the most important professional experience of my entire career.

 

Let me say that again, because it sounds fake even to me:
I am at the Pasadena Playhouse working on the world premiere of my new adaptation of Lerner and Loewe's Brigadoon. 

 

Which, yes. I wrote. Like… I wrote it. 

With my human brain. 

And now real actors—gorgeous, talented, emotionally available unicorns are speaking the words and ideas and character arcs out loud while I sit behind a table laughing and crying and pretending I know what I’m doing and not, say, internet-searching “what does the playwright do during rehearsal besides spiral?”

 

To be clear: this is all, objectively, the dream.

So naturally, my psyche responded by committing seppuku. Because, let's not forget: I am me. 

 

At one point, mid-week, I had the very fun realization that maybe I’m “not good enough”… Or maybe I am simply a woman who has been expertly trained—by the ambient noise of culture—to hate myself on a cellular level despite a decade of therapy, a trip to literal Siberia, and several well-intentioned journaling phases.

 

Because here’s what’s wild: nothing around me suggested I was failing.

The work is good. The room is phenomenal. The people are extraordinary.

And yet my brain was like "Yes, but what if you are secretly a fraud and everyone is too polite to say so?"

 

So let's review. Within the span of one week, I have:

• Had a full-body emotional meltdown (positive) hearing my writing spoken aloud

• Had a full-body emotional meltdown (negative) hearing my writing spoken aloud

• Navigated sitting “behind the table” while internally whispering "they’re going to find you out..."
• Experienced an existential crisis so vast it could qualify for its own zip code
• Gotten my period (obviously. the uterus always clocks in for chaos) and "pulled" three other uterus-having humans off their cycle because I'm a trend setter
• Been pulled over by a traffic cop for driving too slowly, which I did not know was illegal exactly, but apparently is if you are radiating panic at 37 miles per hour along the 101.
• Been interviewed for a profile piece in the Los Angeles Times and photographed with legendary American playwright (and Alec's idol) David Henry Hwang, which is the kind of sentence that should belong to someone with much better posture
• Watched my computer die spectacularly! Forcing me to deal with the not-so-genius CARLOS at the Genius Bar, and spend $1400 I definitely don't have on a replacement, while whispering “this is fine...”

 

All of this while my husband was visiting for five too-brief days, during which he demonstrated the patience of a saint who has accepted that he married a woman who will—at any moment—combust over art and printer settings.

 

*

 

And THEN—because the universe is frankly a little aggressive—I remembered: Oh. This is what always happens right before you level up. I have been here before!

 

The migraine during the SATs.

The car dying on the way home from the hospital.
The sinus infection the day of my West Side Story audition.

It’s like life leans in, cracks its knuckles, and says,

“You want this next version of yourself? We'll just… see about that.”

 

Because the true test is not whether or not you can survive the chaos, but whether or not you can you remain yourself inside the inevitable chaos. 

 

Can you still show up?

Can you still do the work?
Can you still breathe, and pivot, and not light your entire life on fire because one thing went wrong? 

(or twelve things went wrong)? Somewhere between the traffic stop, the hormonal spiral, the computer funeral, and the deeply surreal experience of standing next to David Henry Hwang while trying not to dissociate, I realized I wasn’t falling apart. I was expanding. I guess... it just feels identical sometimes.

 

Because, dear reader, growth is not cute!

Growth is not a soft-focus Instagram reel with a voiceover about “stepping into your power.”

Growth is ugly-crying in a borrowed car while calculating interest rates.
Growth is showing up to rehearsal anyway.
Growth is letting yourself be seen before you feel ready.

Growth is saying, I am terrified, but I am not leaving.

 

There’s a psychological term for this —anti-fragile. 

 

When Nassim Nicholas Taleb coined the term anti-fragility, he was trying to name something that didn’t exist in our literal or psychological vocabulary. We have words for things that break under pressure ("fragile, breakable"—think of a wine glass shattering), and we have words for things that hold steady or bounce back ("robust, sturdy, steadfast,"—think of a levy or damn during a hurricane).  But what Taleb realized what that we did not have a word for systems that actually improve when they’re exposed to adversity, stress, pressure, or volatility.

 

Taleb describes this as a gap in the language with real consequences. 

Fragile clearly means something that’s harmed by shocks. 

Robust describes something that resists them. 

Resilient covers systems that can recover after being knocked down. 

 

But in all three cases, the best possible outcome is staying the same.

 

The central premise of an anti-fragile system is that it doesn’t merely survive difficulty. It actually improves, and becomes better because of it. It refers to systems that strengthen under pressure. A useful way to picture the distinction is as a simple triad:

 

Fragile: weakened or damaged by adversity.

Robust / resilient: able to withstand adversity or return to baseline, but unchanged by it.

Anti-fragile: made stronger by adversity.

Strengthened by the adversity.
Sharpened by the friction.

 

The exact opposite of the part of me that wanted to run.

 

*

 

So yes. Wow. I am in Los Angeles, living my dream.

 

And I am also crying in parking lots, buying emergency laptops, bleeding on schedule, and learning in real time how to stay present in the life I worked so hard to build.

 

Which feels about right.

 

Because maybe the "level up" isn’t the success at all. Maybe the level up is the ability to withstand all the good bad joyful heinous and identity-melting things that come with "success," and not talk yourself out of it.

Anyway, if you need me, I’ll be at the Pasadena Playhouse, trying to act like a person who belongs there, while also? Quietly becoming one...

Internal monologue: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Brigadoon: Day 1

 

No words. Because *every last word I could ever have*, is in those pages. 

Day 1. Let’s go. Och aye. 

 

John Steinbeck wrote a letter to his publisher when he submitted East of Eden. The letter was then used as the book's dedication. It captures what I feel: 

 

"Dear Pat,

You came upon me carving some kind of little figure out of wood and you said, “Why don’t you make something for me?”
I asked you what you wanted, and you said, “A box.”
“What for?”
“To put things in.”
“What kind of things?”
“Whatever you have,” you said.
Well, here’s your box. Nearly everything I have is in it, and it is not full. Pain and excitement are in it, and feeling good or bad and evil thoughts and good thoughts- the pleasure of design and some despair and the indescribable joy of creation.
And on top of these are all the gratitude and love I have for you.
And still the box is not full.

John"

 

“A Vision of Dame Barbara Hepworth Told Me to Dump My Girlfriend” - an AFOOT story

Once again, another AFOOT story. 

As part of the Edinburgh version of Whisper Walk from the "AFOOT" series, I give you one of the monologues/short stories I have composed for this deliciously Scottish incarnation (that we on the creative team refer to a "whispers.") 

From the press release:  

Confessional stories, unuttered truths and personal memories are whispered through headphones in a documentary-style walking tour through Edinburgh. Whisper Walk is partly inspired by the Japanese Kaze no Denwa (“wind phone”) and explores how memories are deeply connected to a seemingly ordinary place. Each audience member, equipped with their smartphone and a pair of headphones, is guided through Edinburgh as voices gently whisper stories and personal memories tied to the locations they pass. As participants become trusted confidants, they are invited to contribute their own place-related memory – whispered into a phone placed at the end of the Whisper Walk – to be archived in the ever-growing Whisper Museum.

Writer Alexandra Silber said, “Whisper Walk is, I think, a really beautiful and unique storytelling theatrical experience, under the notion that places hold memories. It explores the notion that our memories are tied heavily to place, and sort of revels in the idea that a seemingly ordinary, singular, flat park bench, a tree, a series of steps, a street corner, a churchyard, a pub, a very specific cross-section of longitude and latitude, can contain a multitude of stacked memories belonging to countless people—really holding these stories and memories from every human who ever crosses that location. This is very much the way we receive podcasts nowadays, and certainly builds upon the radio drama tradition, but the individual audience member, as a result of this, will end up in a specific geographical place and will hear a story about the place in which they are standing, and thus serves as a confessional, a confidant, a stranger on the road to whom the speaker of the story can speak more candidly than to a regular person in their everyday lives.” 

And so, with that. Enjoy this sneak peak and see you in Edinburgh, this August, afoot! 

 __________________________________________ 

If you ever date a sculptor know this: at some point, they’ll try to sculpt you. Emotionally, I mean. Mine, whose name was Lena had been trying to chisel the sensitivity out of me since March. I thought it was love. It was probably just…scheduling.

We were right here at Doctor’s Pub, and I had made the mistake of having a second Negroni. I remember this because I never order a second Negroni unless I’m trying to impress someone or totally self-destruct.
At some point, I stumbled to the loo—not to be ill, but to be alone without Lena describing “the essence of clay,” and maybe cry a little, the way one sometimes does at the Fringe.

And that’s when I saw her: 
Dame Barbara Hepworth— English sculptor who defined the essence of Modernism and by the way is dead—in the mirror. She wasn’t glowing or floating; malevolent or kind. Just… standing there. Stern. Severe. Iconic headscarf just-so. The kind of woman who looked like she once filed her taxes with a blowtorch.

     “You need to leave her,” the ghost of Barbara Hepworth said, really very composed for someone long-dead. 
I blinked. She raised an eyebrow. Was this low blood sugar? Divine intervention? All I knew is that the ghost of Barbara Hepworth had opinions, and honestly, she wasn’t wrong.
     “But she’s brilliant,” I said, out loud, to no one. “She has a residency in Berlin!”
Barbara Hepworth sighed.      

     “She put a plinth in your kitchen, darling. That’s not a woman, that’s an installation.” 

I returned to the table and stared at Lena, while she returned to describing the sensual nature of rebar. We settled up and left. But in my daze, I’d left my credit card behind and as I turned back— there was Barbara once again, her brilliant, ragged hands banging on the glass from inside the main window, mouthing            “Leave her!!’ 

Then she was gone. Just—poof. Back to the realm of dead British modernists and my own unfortunate subconscious.

 

And I thought: Barbara has a point! I don’t want to be part of someone else’s conceptual vision board— and what will I do for six months in Germany? I’m lactose intolerant. 
 

I broke up with Lena the next day. She said I was mediocre and afraid of commitment.
Which are both true.

But honestly?
Sometimes you just have to listen to the ghost of a modernist sculptor in a pub toilet.
Especially when she’s right.

The prophetic Dame.

Mistakes to Avoid When Writing: Part 3

Welcome back to Mistakes to Avoid When Writing Part 3: The Hot Mess Never Ends Edition. This is the post where we will address your descriptions that read like an instruction manual for beige paint, your deeply toxic relationship with “just tweaking this one sentence” for 11 hours, and your insistence on writing in total solitude like some haunted widow scratching poems into the walls of a lighthouse. 

 Let’s dig in.


7. Editing As-You-Go (Like a Masochist)
Every time you stop to “just tweak that one sentence,” a writer fairy dies and your book gets one step closer to never being finished. That’s not a fact, but it FEELS true. You are not building the Eiffel Tower out of toothpicks. 

When in this early stage of a novel, getting words onto the page is the most important thing rather than writing the correct spelling or a sentence. You don’t need to polish Chapter One to perfection before you’re allowed to write Chapter Two. Writing is drafting, then shaping. If you keep going back to fix things mid-process, you’ll be stuck in an endless loop of “almost done” that never actually finishes.
 Just write the damn thing.

So repeat after me: Separate your writing and your editing! Make them two different processes, independent of one another. If you are constantly going back and changing small details, you will never move forward. If you are always second-guessing yourself and everything you put into the story, you will be exhausted and the creativity will dry up. Don’t edit a single thing until the first draft is finished. You’re polishing the hood ornament of a car that doesn’t have wheels. Editing as you go is like trying to vacuum the house while the party is still happening. It’s a waste of time, and it kills the flow.

Try This: 
    •    Set a timer: No editing until you write for 25 minutes straight. Just word-vomit.
    •    Use [BLAH] for anything you can’t figure out right now. Come back later.
    •    Write in Comic Sans or some hideous font so you won’t be tempted to make it “pretty” until Draft Two.
It can be trash. It should be trash. That’s what second drafts are for — and third drafts, and crying. 


8. Fluffy Dialogue
If your characters are saying things like:

    “As you know, Bob, we’ve worked at this company for 10 years,” 

please shut the laptop and take a walk. A long one.  

You know what’s worse than clunky, unnatural dialogue? NOTHING. Nothing is worse. Dialogue can skyrocket your story to success, or sink it to the bottom. The difference between these two can be a matter of a few words. People don’t speak in exposition dumps or perfect grammar. 

 

People don’t talk like that. (Well most don’t; I don’t know the weirdos in your life) The first step is to make sure each character has a distinct voice which emerges naturally from detailed character development (as discussed in Part 1 of this series), and which should always come before you dive into the main bulk of story-writing.

Then? Give your characters mess! Give them the kind of weird, specific, spice that lives in your group chats.

Terrible dialogue should never stop your momentum or workflow (as discussed above, you can always edit it later), but in ht grand scheme remember that unnecessary pieces of dialogue only add bulk, and rarely quality. The good news is that tightening up lame dialogue is usually an easy, if not vaguely embarrassing,  process. 

Next, you want to identify and eliminate words that are unwanted or redundant. For [horrifying] example:

    “Kevin, are you upset with John for some reason?” Sarah asked. 
    “You’re absolutely right, I am mad at John!” Kevin replied. 
    “Why is that, Kevin? You do not have a reason to be mad.” 
    “Oh yes I do, Sarah. I have every reason. Can you not see how mad I am?” 

Sure this exchange has clarity, but I regret to inform you: this dialogue stinks and sounds like two customer service reps on a Zoom call.  It is stilted, repetitive, unrealistic to how human beings genuinely communicate, and above all: many parts aren’t even needed. 

Here is how this exchange looks once tightened and compressed:

    “You’re upset with John?” Sarah asked. 
    “Of course.” Kevin said. 
    “I don’t get it.” 
    Kevin felt the heat gathering in his face as his hands began to shake. 

The exact same information is gleaned within a sleeker format, and action that delivers some nice “showing-not-telling.” This exchange thus reads easier and allows the story to keep moving at a better pace. So. What do you do? 

Try this:
    •    Read your dialogue out loud. If you cringe? Rewrite it. If it sounds stiff, it probably is. 
    •    Cut at least 30% of it. People don’t talk that much, I promise.
    •    Watch an episode of your favorite sitcom and write down the actual lines. Study how short, sharp, and weird they are.
Give your characters personality, rhythm, and, most importantly, purpose. 
I beg you. 

9. Bland Descriptions

    “She walked into the room. It was nice.” 

NO. 

Sorry kid, your descriptions are so dry they could crack a lip. Descriptions demand a balancing act:

• Too much description overwhelms the readers and kills a scene. 
• Too little leaves readers feeling lost. 
• And BLAND descriptions leave readers bored and uninterested.

Achieving the right balance means aiming to immerse your readers fully into your world. It gives life to your story and paints the right image in your readers’ minds without robbing them of their own imaginative experience. 

 

Try this:

    •    Go through your draft and highlight every “nice,” “pretty,” or “beautiful.” Replace them with a specific image, texture, or sound.
    •    Take photos of real places/objects. Write descriptions based only on what you see.
    •    Start the descriptions early, and build on them gradually as you go. 
    •    Avoid describing places your characters haven’t been to yet. Describe them when they first arrive. 
    •    Be specific but selective. Be detailed when showing your readers what they need to know, but include only what is necessary and relevant.
    •    Include all senses in your descriptions. Sight, smell, touch, sound, and taste—if applicable.

All to say: don’t write like you’re filing a police report. Descriptions should evoke a mood, a feeling, a sensory anchor. It’s not enough to say the room was “nice” or the trees were “green.” What did it smell like? What did it remind the character of? The right detail — just one — can bring a whole scene to life. What does it feel like in there? Smell like? What made her want to cry, scream, or order a burrito? Give me something, anything, that doesn’t read like a real estate listing.


10. Writing in a Vacuum / Trying to Do It All Alone Like a Martyr 

You are not a mystical genius who has to write your masterpiece in total isolation while slowly unraveling.  

 

Share your mess with people who get it. 

Take a nap. 

Read something good. 
Get out. See sky. 
Let someone else tell you your pacing is off. 
You’ll survive. 
I promise.

I get it. You’re sensitive. You don’t want feedback because what if they hate it? But here’s the thing: writing in total isolation is how you end up with 300 pages of beautifully arranged nonsense. You need other eyeballs. You need humans who will say, “Babe… what the hell is this?”
Feedback isn’t cruelty. It’s community.

Writing a novel is hard. Doing it alone is harder. Share your work with trusted readers. Take breaks to read other books. Talk to writers. Get feedback — and learn how to separate the helpful from the noise. Community and perspective are your best antidotes to burnout, doubt, and tunnel vision. Be a human being with goals and friends and a bathing schedule. I say this with love, but also urgency: let someone read your stuff. 

Try this:
    •    Join (or start) a low-stakes feedback group: 3-5 people, snacks optional but recommended.
    •    Share one paragraph with a trusted friend. Not the whole novel — just dip a toe.
    •    If you can’t handle feedback yet? Read your work out loud to yourself. Even that will reveal weak spots.

Finally:

You’ve reached the final boss level, and spoiler alert: it’s you, hun. It’s always been you. Your fear, your perfectionism, your refusal to let anyone read your work until it’s been edited 486 times and smells like burnt toast from all the stress. 

 

But here’s the thing—if you want to write a story that hits people in the chest, you gotta stop being so damn precious about it. Let your sentences be ugly. Let your characters make mistakes. Let someone else read your stuff, even if it makes you want to barf. That’s the real magic. 

 

Now go on, you gloriously unstable word-witch—I believe in your messy masterpiece.

 

Mistakes to Avoid When Writing: Part 2

So you read the first list of novel-writing mistakes and thought,
     “Okay, fine, I won’t let my main character have violet eyes, a tragic violin backstory, and absolutely no flaws.” 

Growth! 

But unfortunately (for both of us), the disasters don’t stop there. You’ve merely arrived at the second layer of the flaming lasagna that is writing a novel.
Because guess what? There are still more ways to mess up your writing—and yes, GUILTY, I’ve made every single one of them (while eating cereal out of a mug and calling it “dinner.”)

If your novel is all “vibes” and no story, if your dialogue sounds like it was composed by Alexa, or if you keep quietly skipping every emotional beat because it makes you feel things? I get it. Feelings are exhausting. But so is reading a book where nothing happens and no one reacts to anything. This is the part where I burst through the drywall holding a red pen and a shot of espresso and yell, “WHERE’S THE PLOT, BRENDA?!”

This list Part 2 is here to make sure your novel survives your worst instincts.  
Let’s get you back on track.

 

* 

4. Failing to Plan / Not Knowing the Plot

There are times when a writer reaches the end of a manuscript, and comes to the terrible realization that they have no idea what the hell is going on. 

 

I love a chaotic vibe and all. But if you’re 40 pages in and your main character still doesn’t know what they want, that’s emotional roulette. (Some structure is sexy, okay?) Even a sticky note that says “[something sad happens here]” is better than nothing. Whether you are a fan of outlining or not, planning is essential to writing any kind of complex story (particularly a novel).  

 

I, too, can be lazy and allergic to commitment. But writing a novel with no plan is like driving cross-country with no GPS and a dead phone. You’ll end up in a ditch, surrounded by cacti and plot holes, sobbing into your giant Slurpee. If nothing else, you must know where the story is going. If not all the details, I suggest (perhaps) the beginning, (maybe some kind of) the middle, and, (if I may) the end. 
Here is a mini step-by-step guidance for building a plot structure—just enough scaffolding to guide the story, never enough to trap it. 

Try This: 
Begin with the “big five beats”: 

1. An opening image or situation that captures your character’s normal
2. An inciting incident that disrupts that normal
3. A midpoint turning point that complicates everything
4. A low point or crisis that forces your character to face what’s truly at stake, and 
5. A resolution where something—externally or internally—changes for good. 

These aren’t shackles—they’re scaffolding. You can fill in more steps later, but even this rough shape will help you spot where tension builds, where transformation happens, and where you’re heading. Keep it messy. Let it evolve. Structure isn’t your enemy—it’s your compass. Just don’t forget you’re allowed to leave the path if the story finds a better one.


5. Leaning on Clichés
 If your opening line sounds like the back of a paperback romance in a grocery store clearance bin, delete it. I’m talking: “she was a feisty spitfire with a past,” or “the night was dark and stormy” garbage. In a world chock-full of novels, readers want something original. Nothing will have someone closing a book for good faster than the use of multiple cliches that make your soul itch. We get it.

Clichés include phrases such as:
    •    A bun in the oven.
    •    A diamond in the rough.
    •    When all is said and done.
    •    When it rains, it pours.

These are just a handful of examples, and of course there are many more and ohmygah. I’m already in hives and I haven’t yet read your virtuosic over-use of “through thick and thin” yet. NO. Stop it. I implore thee. 

Clichés are placeholders for real thought. A writer will insert a cliche that makes sense because they don’t want to spend time thinking of a new way to say it. They sneak in when you're tired or rushing or trying to sound like “a writer.” You are better than this. Instead, try to write the same idea in a different way. (And hot tip: first draft cliché placeholders are fine while you wait for something better to manifest, just be SURE to replace them in the next draft. Your secrets are safe with me).

 Don’t write like a robot who read too many Tumblr posts in 2011. Say it the way your weird little brain sees it.


6. Skipping the Hard Emotional Work
A novel isn’t just stuff happening—it’s how your characters feel about what’s happening. Don’t be afraid to go there. Don’t avoid the challenging scenes that require utterly true, un-choreographed emotionality. Emotional truth is what keeps a reader turning pages. If you the creator flinch away from it, the reader will feel the gap.

 

And here is where I get extra real with you. 

Listen, oh valiant writer, dreamer divine and creator extraordinaire: You cannot write something truly great without letting it cost you something. Not everything. But something.  You can write clever plots, interesting characters, and even very pretty sentences from a distance—but the work that moves people will ask you to walk through the fire yourself. There is no shortcut around sitting right in the center your grief, your rage, your shame, your longing, the ugliest parts of you, the most out-of-control parts of you, the humiliating and human parts—all connected to your deepest ache for belonging. 

 

So if you are—even inadvertently— trying to skip that part? You must take a deep breath, and find your courage. 

 

I know. I know personally how valiant an ask this is, on several artistic levels. But if you are in any way waiting to be less afraid, less messy, or more “ready” or “perfect”—you're not creating art, you're managing your image. 

And hey; that’s okay. Many of us start there. 
But if you want to go further, deeper, fuller, richer— the page or stage or screen or canvas MUST become a place where you are more honest, authentic and unabashed than your are polished. As Brené Brown says, “You can choose courage or you can choose comfort, but you cannot have both.” Art requires the choice of courage.

Try this: 

    •    Write the scene you’re avoiding first. Get it over with. It won’t kill you (probably).
    •    Journal as your character. What are they really thinking but too scared to say?

    •    The next time you find yourself resisting a scene, a character, or a theme—pause and ask: what am I protecting myself from? That’s often exactly where the gold lives. You don’t have to bleed all over the page, nor exclusively suffer to make worthwhile art, but you do have to tell the truth—especially the emotional truth you’re tempted to sidestep.  

 
Write the embarrassing version. The “too-much” version. The version you’d never read aloud at a dinner party. That’s the one with life in it. The only way out is through. And when you come out the other side, you won’t just have a better draft—you’ll be a braver artist. And person. 

 

Finally:

 
You made it through Round Two and didn’t throw your laptop into a ravine—I’m proud of you. The truth is, every writer makes these mistakes. But not every writer is brave enough to admit they’re just out here vibes-ing their way through chapter 12 with no outline, hoping the muse shows up like DoorDash. But you? You showed up, officially one step closer to writing a novel that doesn’t make readers scream “WHY” into the void. 

Keep going. 

© hula seventy

“The Curious Case of ‘The Other Iain’ - an AFOOT story

As part of the Edinburgh version of Whisper Walk from the "AFOOT" series, I give you one of the monologues/short stories I have composed for this deliciously Scottish incarnation (that we on the creative team refer to a "whispers.") 

From the press release:  

Confessional stories, unuttered truths and personal memories are whispered through headphones in a documentary-style walking tour through Edinburgh. Whisper Walk is partly inspired by the Japanese Kaze no Denwa (“wind phone”) and explores how memories are deeply connected to a seemingly ordinary place. Each audience member, equipped with their smartphone and a pair of headphones, is guided through Edinburgh as voices gently whisper stories and personal memories tied to the locations they pass. As participants become trusted confidants, they are invited to contribute their own place-related memory – whispered into a phone placed at the end of the Whisper Walk – to be archived in the ever-growing Whisper Museum.

Writer Alexandra Silber said, “Whisper Walk is, I think, a really beautiful and unique storytelling theatrical experience, under the notion that places hold memories. It explores the notion that our memories are tied heavily to place, and sort of revels in the idea that a seemingly ordinary, singular, flat park bench, a tree, a series of steps, a street corner, a churchyard, a pub, a very specific cross-section of longitude and latitude, can contain a multitude of stacked memories belonging to countless people—really holding these stories and memories from every human who ever crosses that location. This is very much the way we receive podcasts nowadays, and certainly builds upon the radio drama tradition, but the individual audience member, as a result of this, will end up in a specific geographical place and will hear a story about the place in which they are standing, and thus serves as a confessional, a confidant, a stranger on the road to whom the speaker of the story can speak more candidly than to a regular person in their everyday lives.” 

And so, with that. Enjoy this sneak peak and see you in Edinburgh, this August, afoot! 

 *


Set: Cowgate under George IV Bridge, Edinburgh

I am Iain Angus Campbell— the first one, or at least, the one telling this story—and I am  standing under George IV Bridge with a large cardboard box labeled “FOR THE OTHER IAIN” and the vague feeling that I have slipped through a tear in the fabric of space-time.

Inside the box I am holding is:
    •    Three veterinary textbooks written in German (I do not read German)
    •    A framed photo of a ginger man on a yacht  (I have never been on a yacht, only vomited near one)
    •    And a very personal letter from someone named Dimitri, written entirely in Cyrillic, which I am almost certain is an erotic poem. (Because, yes, I have had it translated.)

 It’s hard to explain: every time one receives a piece of correspondence with their name on it, one naturally assumes the correspondence is for them. But every time I open mail to The Other Iain, I am, at first, shocked. Then horrified. Then oddly aroused by the illicit nature of opening other people’s mail. I consider myself a relatively ethical person, and I’m not proud to have rifled through Iain Angus Campbell’s private things, read his mail, and texted back his exes. But what am I to do? For you see: THEY ARE ALL ADDRESSED TO “ME.”  

It began with a misdirected email from a veterinary clinic in Dundee, followed by a call from HMRC regarding unpaid taxes on my “falconry side hustle,” and climaxed with an offer to speak at a conference in Amsterdam on “large animal anesthesia”—a subject I know exactly nothing about because I mostly treat cats.

That was two years ago. 


 Iain Angus Campbell— the other one— is real. Or at least I’m real, and the universe has committed to a bit that is now years long and disturbingly elaborate. He has the same name. Is the same age. He is also a veterinarian. Also left-handed (?!) and green-eyed, and redheaded. The algorithms are confused. The tax office is furious. The dating apps are saturated with accusations.
We are, by all accounts, statistically indistinguishable. 

And? We have never met.
Not in the flesh. Not once.
Until—apparently—today.

I got a text:

        “Iain. It’s Iain. Let’s exchange boxes. Cowgate. Under the bridge. Three.”

Which, yes, sounds murder-y. (Or like a compelling romance!) 

But anyway here I am. Under the bridge. With my box. Wearing my jacket. Holding my nerves together with the fragile glue of one too many espressos. And spiraling.
Because if this man is me—not just like me—then what am I, exactly? 
Some early prototype? 
The version of Iain who never had the courage to move to the Netherlands or take up falconry or respond to Dimitri’s love note? 
What if I meet him and I’m just the “Beta Iain?”
Or worse— oh, God: what if he doesn’t show up?

I check my phone. 

3:12.

 Iain is late.

Or maybe early. 

Or maybe me. 

I don’t fucking know.
And I think, not for the first time:
If this isn’t the matrix, then maybe it’s something worse.

Maybe it’s a love story.
But only one of us gets to tell it.

"Take My Hand and Let's Go Roaming..." — A New Adaptation of Brigadoon

Friends, I humbly share with you all: I made a thing. 

Well. I RE-made a thing. 

And what an honor it is. 

 

Inspired by the giants of Alan J Lerner and Frederick Loewe, and with the support and encouragement of their families and estates, a new Brigadoon is coming in to the world, and it is making its world premiere in my birthplace, Los Angeles, at the Tony-Award winning Pasadena Playhouse helmed by the man who was there for my first American job Artistic Director Danny Feldman.

I love Scotland. I love the theatre. I love music. And I love telling deep human stories.

Many of you who have been readers since the beginning know that when I was 18, a few months after my father died, in a swirl of grief and of an unnameable sense of hope, I picked up my entire life and moved to Scotland. 

I stayed for years (held and nurtured by the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland) and slowly, a part of me healed and grew to be ready to hope again, love again, and join the the world again.

Scotland and its people held me, uplifted me, with its music, language, and poetry; its stark beauty, its searingly unsentimental insistence upon human resilience. The country and its culture continue to be an active part of my life to this day.

How fortunate am I that the art form I love more than anything in the world can provide a vessel for a story I couldn't keep to myself a moment longer. This is both an old Brigadoon— one you'll remember, recall and joyfully celebrate legacy; as well as utterly new— a deepening and enrichment made just for a new generation of theater-goers to appreciate anew.

I've never been prouder of any creative offering I've participated in, in all my life. I've also never been more honored to bow deeply at the altar of Lerner and Loewe-giants of our art form and say:

— "take my hand and let's go roaming..."

See you next season at Pasadena Playhouse. 

 

Mistakes to Avoid When Writing: Part 1

Aspiring writer, we need to talk.

Not The Talk. Not the birds and bees—the one where I lovingly talk in all caps into your face about the ways you are silently (and spectacularly) tanking your project before it’s even crawling out of the draft stage. 

 

Writing is a rigorous journey full of pitfalls, rewarding learning experiences, and everything in between. (Literally: despair, joy, weeping, staying awake for three days and nights, failing to shower, triumph, inspiration, voices in your head, you name it). 

 

Writers have a lot of liberty when writing fiction (it is made up after all), and rules are often bent, beat up, blasphemed, and broken. And no one minds because it’s fiction (unless it’s not, but that’s a different essay).

 

All to say: you’re talented, you’ve got the vibes, that's great; but “following The Muse” doesn’t mean you should abandon grammar, good writing and compelling storytelling altogether. Don't do that. I thank you in advance. You'll be saving my life. Because if I read one more story where the main character “lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding” while “the sun slants like gold syrup over the city,” I am going to walk directly into the sea with my laptop.

 

But don't feel timid or embarrassed or all shame-y. I have made every single writing mistake there is (and some that aren’t even on this list because they’re too humiliating to put in writing—you’re welcome), and I am here, like the Ghost of Drafts Past, to stop you from making them too. This isn’t about shaming! The opposite! It’s about belief in you! Belief in the form of taking you by the shoulders, shaking you gently (but firmly) and saying: CUT THAT OUT. 

So. Here’s your anti-disaster checklist: the most common mistakes to avoid when writing your novel. (Or Screenplay. Or short story. Or one-act. Or whatever. But I’ll be using “novel” as a catch all.)
Use it. Love it. Tattoo it on your forehead.

 

*

1. Writing Unrealistic Characters
 

There are many mistakes to avoid when writing a novel, but creating weak and unbelievable characters is the most detrimental. A story is nothing without its characters. All characters, both big, small, main, and secondary must be believable and REAL. Perfect characters are boring. Real people are contradictory, flawed, and dynamic—so your characters should be too. Embodied. Full-realized. Truthful. Many writers become lazy with their characters and don’t flesh them out enough.

 

Characters shouldn’t just exist to move the story along like chess pieces. They should want things, make mistakes, act out of fear or love or ego. They should have weird urges and panic attacks and make bad decisions. Not every single character that shows up in the story needs a full history and comprehensive backstory, but the main ones certainly do. And if you ask me (and if you’re reading this, you literally are)— “more is more” when it comes to fleshing out a character’s reality. If a character is not well thought out, or deep enough; if your character is doing something “because it needs to happen” for the plot, then Houston: we have a problem. Those are characters who read like cardboard in a wig and serve plot, not truth.

 

The best books, regardless of genre, are the ones that draw tears, laughter, empathy, derision, loathing, desire, pathos and everything that real human beings evoke, from the readers. People are awkward and insecure and say the wrong thing constantly. They cry in CVS. They ghost their friends. They overthink text messages for three hours. You want your readers so invested in your characters that they feel real emotions when things (true things, messy things, unattractive and humiliating things) happen to them. Nobody wants to read about perfect people doing nothing wrong. Give me mess. Give me someone who texts their ex after two drinks, or panics at the self-checkout.

 

As a writer who is also an actor, and has acting training, I find the creation of characters comes more naturally than some of the other aspects of story-writing because the toolkits overlap perfectly. If I am interpreting a character someone else wrote, I ask questions like:

• Who is this person?
• Where are they from?
• What do they want?
• What is their greatest obstacle?
• What do the do to get what they want?
• Why are they the way they are?
• What happened to make them this way?
• How will they change by the end of the story?
• If they do not change, why not? 
• What are they longing for?
• Do they have big dreams?
• What are they afraid of?
• Who do they hate the most? 

Or anything else you don’t already know about them, big or small. Do this for your protagonist and antagonist. Then, start on the secondary characters. It won’t be long before you feel a renewed desire to tell their story.

Start there. Hopefully each answer will propel you forward to ask hundreds more, and before long you are in a dialogue with a chattier that feels like a new, very intimate friend. All the answers your character reveals lead the action and thus, the plot. 

 

Let your characters lead sometimes — they often know better than you do.  Let them fight you. Let them screw up. That’s what makes them compelling.

 

2. No Conflict = No Story (sorry, I don’t make The Rules)

 
This is one of the most important mistakes beginners make in writing. Stories need tension. A story is not a story without conflict. Conflict isn’t just physical fights; it’s tough decisions, emotional stakes, internal battles. Without it, readers drift. A central conflict is what drives the entire plot and moves the story forward. Something needs to disrupt the life of your protagonist. It can be a physical circumstance or an internal redirection, but it must be something life-changing. 

Haven't you screamed at protagonists as they hacked blithely in to their husband's email, waltzed off to Mordor, The Room of Requirement or drunk Facetimed their ex despite all evidence that not doing precisely that would be much more pragmatic? Exactly. Conflict gives the story purpose. 

So don’t be afraid to give me characters in a pickle or three that’s where the story lives. Otherwise, it’s just vibes and no plot, and we already have Instagram for that. Something has to go wrong. Someone has to want something and not be able to get it. If your book doesn’t have a little chaos, betrayal, or at least one ill-advised decision, what are we even doing here?

3. Creating a Confusing Point of View
 

While the point of view is flexible, head-hopping (jumping between multiple characters' thoughts in one scene) is jarring and often confusing unless handled masterfully. 

Aspiring authors often gloss over this detail and write wherever their brain takes them. This is okay for a first draft but you must rectify it in the editing process. If I have to read three paragraphs to figure out whose head I’m in, I’m calling the police.

Being consistent in your POV means that the narrator and POV must remaining consistently inside the POV of one character, or at the very least, one character at a time. (i.e. no head-hopping mid-paragraph). One simple rule? Only one point of view per chapter.

Additionally, a crucial way to remain consistently in the head of your character— is to remember to stay within the consciousness/time period/age/intelligence of your character as well. 

That means that the character (and the narrator describing them) should avoid using language unfamiliar or inaccessible to the character at the time of the chapter being read. (As an example: if the character is going to make a huge discovery in the next chapter, they cannot betray or scribe knowledge of the discovery before the event occurs. 

Another way this manifests is if the character is from the 1800s, it is incongruous and inconsistent with their reality to use metaphors and/or descriptions from the digital era (such as “she didn’t have the bandwidth” or “she was channeling; surfing in her mind.”) 

Not every novel will have this problem as some revolve around one point of view in totality. (This could be a form of the third person or the first person from the same character’s perspective throughout.) But many novels change perspective at times, and this can easily become confusing and give your reader POV whiplash. You can switch later, but not mid-paragraph like some kind of literary magician with no audience. 

 

Know who’s telling the story, what they know, and what they don’t. Your reader will thank you with their attention span.
 

 

Final Remarks
There are many mistakes to avoid when writing a novel, and all deserve your attention. So now that I’ve pointed out a few your literary potholes in the prose version of ALL CAPS, I want you to go hydrate, stretch your neck, and go back to that messy draft like the brave, chaotic genius you are.
Will you still make mistakes? Absolutely. And it’s okay to make them – that’s what editing is for! But now you’ll proceed with awareness, and that’s basically halfway to a Pulitzer. 

Go forth. Write recklessly. And for the love of all that is holy, stop naming your love interest “Blaze.” 

We’re done here.
For now. 

Until Part 2.
    ...and okay, Part 3.

 

Writing Tips, Part 3: Crafting a Clear Narrative

Been on the train for 

Writing Tips Part 1 

and Part 2? 

 

Well, next stop: TECHNIQUE TOWN! Population: 1 writer desperately trying not to sound like a thesaurus exploded into a confusing fever dream. Next Station Stop!

 

We’ve all written a paragraph where we switched from past to present tense three times and suddenly the character is both dead and ordering pancakes.

I know, I know SNORE. Technique! Blergh! While it might seem trivial, basic writing mistakes impact the clarity and cohesion of your narrative. I’m not talking about rigid, stuffy, “perfect” grammatical linguistics being superior to other forms of perfectly decent communication, nor am I promoting that style has nothing to do with compelling writing! Quite the contrary, this blogger-since-2007-who-is-currently-playing-games-with-hyphens feels rules are more than merely meant to be broken, she encourages you to explode the rules altogether. Don’t think outside the box! Blow up the box altogether. Kablamo.

But you can’t explode rules you don’t even acknowledge are there, ready for you to come at ‘em with a jackhammer. And good narratives don’t just happen—they’re built. Carefully, lovingly, with a deep respect for the reader’s time, brain-space, and experience. Having a firm grasp on “the rules” gives you a strong foundation to mindfully make artistic choices within the bounds of English language mores, and also give you more agency over when you break them. That’s technique enhancing natural talent.  

Crafting a clear narrative isn’t about sounding smart — it’s about not confusing the hell out of your reader (by making them feel like they’re trapped in a confusing improv scene with a rogue thesaurus and a drunk time traveler) 

 

So buckle in, grab a red pen, and let’s clean up that storytelling like it’s a murder scene on Dateline.

*

1. Consistent Tense Usage ( aka: Stay in One Time Zone)

Look. You can write in the past. You can write in the present. But if you’re out here switching between “She walks into the room” and “She had screamed in terror” like you’re building a literary time machine? Your reader is going to throw your book across the room and whisper, “I just wanted peace.” A novel unfolds over chapters and settings, making it crucial to maintain consistent tense usage for a seamless reading experience. If your narrative shifts between past and present tense without a clear purpose, readers will find it disorienting and get literary whiplash.  Pick a lane, babe.  Consistency keeps your reader anchored in reality. Consistency creates rhythm. And rhythm creates trust. Strive for cohesion by choosing and sticking to a tense that aligns with your narrative vision.

Try this:

• Do a “tense pass” after your draft is done — highlight all verbs and check for traitors. Are they all dancing to the same beat?
• When you do shift tenses, do it with intention—like a scene change on a stage— not like you blacked out mid-sentence.
• Practice rewriting a paragraph in both past and present tense. Which feels more alive to your story?

2. Be Faithful with Your Pronouns (aka: Keep References Clear and avoid “Pronoun Chaos”)

“They didn’t know if she meant him or her when she said that to them.”

Baby. WHAT?!
 
Who is “they”? WHO IS “HER”?! Pronoun consistency is vital if you don’t want your reader to feel like they’re deciphering ancient scrolls.
If you start a story talking about Valentina, then suddenly start saying “she” without reminding us who she is, readers start mentally flipping back like, “Wait—who’s ‘SHE’?” Clarity is kindness. Make sure your pronouns are pointing in the right direction and staying loyal to their person. You are the GPS of your story. Please don’t reroute us into a ditch.

Try this:

• Every few paragraphs, double-check: does “he” still mean the same “he”?When in doubt, use the character’s name again. Especially if “she” could mean three different people. Clarity > style. 
• If you're writing multiple POVs, color code them in your notes like a messy little genius.
• Read your piece aloud and circle every “he,” “she,” “they,” or “it.” Could a stranger follow who’s being referred to? 
• In scenes with multiple characters, reintroduce names now and then to keep us grounded.

3. Balancing Active and Passive Voice (aka: Let the Verbs Lead and STOP SAYING “WAS”)

If you keep writing “She was being chased,” and “The door was opened by him,” I’m going to gently tip over a chair. 

Active voice gives your sentences backbone. It says: “I did this.”
Passive voice says: “This was done… by someone… maybe?”
 

While passive voice has its place for specific effects, an overabundance dilutes the impact of your narrative, and if you lean too hard on the passive, your prose gets foggy.
Let your characters do things!
Let the actions leap off the page!

What is Passive Voice?
Passive voice is a grammatical construction that places the object of the sentence before the verb. A sentence written in passive voice shifts the focus from the subject doing the action to the recipient of the action. Sentences in passive voice can be less clear, direct, and concise.
 

The biggest problem with passive voice is that it removes agency and responsibility from the individual carrying out the action. This distinction is particularly important when discussing power dynamics.

How to Spot Passive Voice
Not every use of a “to be” verb is passive voice. A passive voice sentence generally goes like this:

[object of the action] + [to be verb] + [past tense main verb].

TIP: If you can add “by zombies” to the end of your sentence and it still makes sense, it is likely in passive voice. For instance, “The pizza was eaten” still works when you add “The pizza was eaten by zombies.” So, this sentence is written in passive voice. You’re welcome.

How to Change Passive Voice
Identify the subject of the sentence and put it first:

[subject] + [main verb] + [object].

That changes the previous sentence to: “Zombies ate the pizza.”

Passive voice isn’t evil — but if your whole novel sounds like it’s being narrated by a terrified butler, we’ve got a problem. Active voice brings the juice. The guts. The oomph.

Try this:

• Take a page of your writing and rewrite every passive sentence into the active voice. See what happens.Keep passive voice for when the receiver of the action matters more than the doer (e.g., “The cake was eaten”—because the cake is the tragedy here). Use passive voice when you want to obscure responsibility (useful for mystery!). Sparingly.
• When editing, ask: “Who’s doing the action here?” If it’s unclear, bring them to the front of the sentence.
• Highlight every “was” in your draft and ask yourself if you’re being lazy or brilliant.

 

4. Punctuation Precision (aka: This Comma Could Save a Life)

Grammar is like deodorant: you don’t have to use it, but things get real uncomfortable real fast when you don’t. Think of punctuation like the conductor of your sentence symphony. A well-placed comma can create breath. A period can drop the mic. Overusing em-dashes or ellipses? That’s like waving your hands in the air. Readers get tired. Know the rules so you can bend them with style—not confusion.

“Let’s eat Grandma” vs. “Let’s eat, Grandma.” 

Respect the comma.
Respect Grandma.

Try this:

• Read your writing aloud, and pause at every punctuation mark. Does the rhythm feel natural, or like a hiccup?
• Beware of overusing “!” or “…”—they can dilute your power. Trust the words themselves.
• Learn the difference between an em-dash (—) and a hyphen (-). They're not the same. 
• Use commas to separate ideas, not glue them all together into one endless sentence. If your sentences read like breathless text messages from a manic ghost, your reader will quit on you.
• Use periods. Stop writing 97-word sentences, I beg.

5. Know how to Properly Plan. (aka: Don’t Wing It)

Writers love to romanticize chaos—but a clear story needs some kind of map, even if it's scribbled on a napkin. So plan your story (yes, even you, chaotic Pantser!) 

Relatable content

 

“But I don’t want to outline! I like discovering the story as I go!” 

Wahhh. That’s cute. But guess what? You don’t need to outline every beat on a spreadsheet, but you do need to know the emotional arc. Where are we going? Who’s changing? What’s at stake?
Your story needs bones before you start putting skin on it.

Try this: 

• Write a one-paragraph summary of your book. If you can’t? You don’t know what it’s about yet.
• Before you begin, jot down three sentences: where it starts, what shifts, “Oh Sh*t, Everything's Falling Apart” part, how people change, and how it ends.
• Use index cards or sticky notes to lay out scenes. Move them around like a deranged detective. At some point, something will click.

And the big, big. big one:

6.  "Show, Don't Tell" (aka: Let the Reader Feel It)

When you tell readers something, you make a statement they have not choice but to accept as true. When you show them something, you describe and dramatize it, allowing readers to see what's happening and draw their own conclusions. Readers love to “people watch” as much as ordinary humans do—we all draw conclusions based on the snippets of information we collect as we go, and make meaning of those snippets. This is why people watching is fascinating! Telling, (when used sparingly!) IS an excellent way of conveying a lot of information or exposition quickly, but it doesn't allow readers use their imaginations; it doesn't engage or arouse them.

So. Don’t tell me the character is angry—show me how her hands tremble as she tries to unlock the door. Readers want to feel the story, not be briefed on it. Use action, dialogue, body language, and setting to convey emotion and conflict. You’re not just telling a story—you’re building an experience.
Consider these examples of showing and telling:



 

Telling:

Third-person version:  “She was sad.”
First-person version:  “I’m sad.”




This description doesn't actually provide a clear picture of Sadsack Susan.

In what WAY is she sad?
What KIND of sadness is she experiencing?
In what WAY is she demonstrating her sadness?
What kind of activities is she doing to mitigate her sadness?

Also, this passage doesn't reveal anything about Susan. You don't know what age she is or what kind of life she leads, and you don't really care.



 

Showing:

Third person version:  “Susan picked at her dinner, 10 pounds lighter than last week, her sunken eyes fixed on the blinking cursor of her unanswered email.”
First person version:  “I am eating cold fries in the bathtub while Googling ‘how to be a person’ but otherwise fine.”

Here, you can see Sadsack Susan in action, observe her directly and make your own judgements, instead of having the author telling you what to think. 

The telling version gives us information; the other gives us an experience. Your job isn’t just to relay events—it’s to invite the reader inside the emotional weather of the world. In reality, you do need to tell your readers some details to move the narrative from one dramatic passage to another. But mostly you need to build up a vivid picture, which the reader can visualize like a film passing before their eyes.

So once more for the people in the back:

Don’t tell me she’s sad. Show me the woman standing in line at CVS crying into a melted bag of peanut M&Ms! Readers want scenes, not summaries. Telling skips the good stuff. Showing pulls us in like the nosy little drama goblins we are.

Try this: 

• Take a telling sentence and rewrite it with sensory detail. What does it look like? Smell like? Feel like?
• Cut out 5 “feeling words” in your draft and replace them with physical actions or dialogue.
• Pay attention to body language—it’s often more honest than dialogue. (So swap “She was furious” and transform it to “She crushed the paper cup in her hand and whispered, ‘Coolcoolcoolcoolcool.’”)
• Read your favorite novel’s dialogue or description. Where does it show instead of explain?
• Ask yourself: “Could this be a GIF instead of a sentence?” If yes, show it.

Finally:

Crafting a clear narrative doesn’t mean stripping away magic—it means building a vessel strong enough to carry it. Think of these techniques as lanterns along the path, helping your reader move through the woods of your story with wonder, ease, and light.
 

You can do this. And when you get stuck, just say “Gerald the grammar gremlin is acting up again,” eat a snack, and go fix that passive voice.  And remember: you’re not just writing for them. You’re writing for you, too. So be precise, yes—but also be kind.

Let your story breathe.
Let it shine.