Present and pain-free: an example

This is a photo of me on February 4, 2021. My wedding day! It was also the exact halfway point between my first and second bowel surgeries.

Look at that lady: radiating health and happiness! That’s the real me.

And yes, in that photo of a healthy happy woman in her prime, there is also a life-saving ostomy bag beneath the (glamorous AF) gown.

I think there is a time when that detail would’ve concerned me a great deal— but on February 4, 2021? All I felt was alive and in love.
 
I am overjoyed in this photo— not only because I am marrying a man I adore, but equally because I feel so FULLY ALIVE. So PAIN FREE and PRESENT for the first time in so very long. I am not thinking about my gut, about being curled in the fetal position, or worried that I’ll be in so much pain I won’t be “present” on my wedding day…
 
No. I am experiencing joy! And I know that my courage, endurance, and the unparalleled skills of my medical team helped me feel this FREE. I wish I could take past Al by the hand—the Al convinced no one would ever love her or commit to her because of colitis—and whisper to her scared self “Giiiiiiirrrrrrrrrl wait ‘til you see yourself in your wedding dreeeeeessssss.”

Alec said over and over again

“We MUST not wait to get married until you no longer have the ostomy—I LOVE that stoma. It saved the love of my life! Give yourself the gift of loving yourself unconditionally THAT MUCH.”

He’s smart.

If you think for one moment that living with illness, IBD, an ostomy, or enduring multiple major surgeries will rob you of life’s joys: think again. It GAVE me this joy. Over and over again I have learned that *true* beauty begins with true health, self-acceptance, happiness and inner peace.

Take a look at that photo and *behold.*