Alternative Email Sign-Offs for an Unhinged Era: A List

With pizazz, 

 

At your cervix, 

 

Apologies for existing, 

 

Over and snout,
 

Without my ducks in a row,

 

Ew,

 

Feeling hamburger helpless,
 

On the brink of tears,
 

Stressfully,

 

Not one single regard,
 

We ride at dawn,

 

Ok then,
 

Searching for my marbles,
 

Help I've fallen and I can't get up,

 

In a tailspin,
 

Throwing it on the back burner
 

Sitting in utter confusion,
 

One fish two fish red fish blue fish,

 

Blessed be the fruit,
 

Roll the credits,
 

Neutral regards,

 

All panic no disco,

 

With fighting words,
 

Alright alright alright,

 

If you have any questions please ask someone else,
 

Lukewarm regards,
 

Live laugh love,

 

Hanging on by a thread,

 

[insert pleasantry here],
 

Hasta la pasta,

 

Violently hungover,