"Poem Without an End" by Yehuda Amichai

Inside the brand-new museum

there’s an old synagogue.

Inside the synagogue

is me.

Inside me

my heart.

Inside my heart

a museum.

Inside the museum

a synagogue,

inside it

me,

inside me

my heart,

inside my heart

a museum

[Translated by Chana Bloch]

An Affirmation of Faith: My Adult Bat Mitzvah statement

An Affirmation of Faith

    Over the last few years, I've been immersed and welcomed into Jewish communities thanks to a combination of my ancestral, genetic and cultural history, the publication of both of my Jewish-themed books, and my repeated connection to the musical 'Fiddler on the Roof.' It's been an illuminating and profound experience to meet Jewish communities around the country and the world, to make real connections with Jewish people of all ranks and files, and to experience the feeling of contributing meaningfully to these communities.

    However, as an individual with a heavily spiritual but religiously secular upbringing, I sometimes felt like a bit of an interloper, and as I have grown up I recognized that I wanted to dive deeper, to understand more thoroughly, and ultimately give myself the gift of an official Jewish identity by affirming faith and a community that has always felt like home.

    I don't need a big fancy wedding (let's face it I got "married" on the Tony Awards), this is my personal "wedding day" ceremony if you will.


*

Thoughts on Pharaoh’s Dreams (my Torah portion)

    We live in a moment when our future is not certain, nor is it easy to ascertain. When we meet Pharaoh at the top of our story he is in a state of confusion. He’s asked all of the best sages in Egypt to interpret his dream.

    Dreams can be frightening— dreaming can represent nightmares and confusion, the experience of a vanishing sun made individual, personal. It represents both confusion and confusion’s opposite, intuition.
    Perhaps one of the lessons is that
IF we sit with mystery, new ways of navigating emerge,
ways that are more instinctual, intuitive and rooted in higher states of consciousness—
 a light shines into a new corner of the psyche, an ice dam thaws, change happens.

    Maybe times of confusion are merely perfectly designed psychic situations (aka: DREAMS) that let us call on parts of ourselves that we wouldn’t otherwise use if we continued with the Old model that told us exactly what we were “supposed to” do.

Maybe confusion is an initiation?

    If there is a fear that dreams represent, it is the fear of the unknown, in all its permutations.
    Dreams require us to be patient and to trust.
    Dreams dare us to make friends with what scare us,
        shake paws with the monster under the bed,
    gaze hard at ourselves at our most vulnerable,
    to make one with the Universe (for the Universe contains all), and love ourselves.

Finally,— the final words of my Torah portion are
    “cHAH-LOME  EHcHAD HOO”

— “IT IS ALL ONE DREAM.”

Whoever we are, no matter how humble or mighty, I believe at our core we have the same dreams: for love and belonging, gratitude and. Peace. It is all one dream.

*

Thoughts on Faith and Mystery

    To me, the concept of Faith has always been mixed up with the institution of Organized Religion (as I think it has for many of us). We often unfairly miscategorized these to be

•     1.    SYNONYMOUS and
•     2.    Primarily about fear and punishment, with some prayer, benediction, (and the odd Christmas carol and latke thrown in…)

    This misinterpretation is a judgment. And judgment closes our minds and hearts. It leaves no room for the embracing of life’s inevitable mysteries, for the embracing of a myriad of spiritual practices, for a deeper knowledge of both the great strengths and the beautiful humilities of Humanity; and no room for a dialogue with the Unknown.

    My perception of Judaism as a faith-based largely on the principle of discourse (after all, Tevye talks directly to and directly with, G-d!) And I have come to learn that in Judaism there is a constant learning, discourse, questioning, and rumbling with meaning, that reminds us this life is never a monologue and always a dialogue.

    Any spiritual practice involves an essential recognition that life is not what it appears to be, but an interplay between the visible and invisible.
    Whatever form they take—be it a yoga practice, a walk in the woods or any Spirit-facing ritual.
    For me, that practice has long been present in theatrical superstition, prayers in a crisis to an Unknown Force, or in the calming wave of Love present with me at the “worst” moments of my life. 
    I now feel confident enough to name that force (among many other things from Universe, Spirit, Nature, and Fate), the word G-d.

    This ceremony and experience have not been a conversion, but rather an affirmation. That Judaism is not merely in a handful of early-life memories, my father’s bloodline, my ancestral DNA, my cultural history, and yes yes, all over my resume.

    I have always suspected I was Jewish.
    Because I was.
    I am.
    And it is possible to be Jewish in my own way,
        and be “Jewish enough.”

Entering the Mikveh

I dunked!

Hooray for the Mikveh! I’ve always been Jewish but it’s official. [Seriously. There’s like...*paperwork...*]

I will find the time to properly find the words to express what this entire journey has meant, but for now?
Today: I dunked.

The immersion in the mikveh serves as many things, but in this instance, it acts as a symbol of #affirmation— a return to a source — and an act of renewal.

The Mikveh experience can be a way of softening traumas of the past, or to start anew after a difficult life experience.

But for me (and for many) it is a way to celebrate something precious and/or something new...

 I have always had a questioning spirit, and used words like “Universe” or “Spirit” or “Fate” or “Nature.” Now I can add the word “God” without feeling squeamish. With no pressure to join me. With only hope for you to find your “way in” to a peaceful and meaningful life.

The word kav means “to be strong.” I believe a return to our source reinforces us. Mikveh becomes a reminder of the infinite within the finite, the eternal within the mortal.

Tomorrow (!) I will be called to the Torah to read in front of a small collection of my family and beloved peers, lead, coached, encouraged (and some days talked off a ledge) by my extremely awe-inspiring Rabbi Samantha Frank of the extremely beautiful Instagram account @modern_ritual.

L’Chaim!

Domestic Happenings: The Zen Cat Waterfall Incident

Behold: the Zen Cat Waterfall “Incident” of 2019

Al and Alec “discuss” a new addition to their home for Tatiana Angela Lansbury Romanov— a cat water fountain.... or is it a waterFALL?

A ZEN waterfall/water-fountain to be precise.

In shock, Al plays it cool. Meanwhile, Alec has *zero* cool, because CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT THE KIDS YOU GUYS. 😶

View this post on Instagram

Al and Alec “discuss” a new addition to their home for @ifeelkitty — a cat water fountain.... or is it a waterFALL? A ZEN waterfall/water-fountain to be precise. In shock, @alsilbs plays it cool. Meanwhile, @alec.silver has *zero* cool, because CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT THE KIDS YOU GUYS. 😶

A post shared by Alexandra Silber (@alsilbs) on Dec 2, 2019 at 6:23pm PST

Wintro-vert

It took me a couple of years into my adulthood to really understand why I always felt so exhausted at parties— personal or professional.  Then one day, inspired by her incredible TED Talk I read Quiet by Susan Cain, and I realized: oh. Right, HELLO—Thank you Susan Cain—I’m an introvert. (An INFJ, to be precise, should you be in the Myers Briggs mindset).

I’m sure I am not the first to thank the pro-Introvert movement for helping me recognize and respect myself.

Dear readers, Hi there. My name is Alexandra Silber and I am an Introvert.

No, I am not aloof.
No, I am not shy,
     or antisocial.
Or people-hating.

YES, despite having extraordinary extrovert skills, I am an Introvert. 
And if you suspect you are one too, this brilliantly curated site ‘Introvert, Dear’ could not be more illuminating and celebratory of our true nature.
(Also? I know I am an actress with a lot of personality when I AM in public but… those are highly honed SKILLS, not nature. Please don’t tell me I am NOT an introvert. Please don’t assume you know me better than I know me. Don’t ever do this to anyone.)

In an extrovert-rewarding world that favors the outgoing and the gregarious, being an introvert can be difficult. We are assumed to be many a negative thing simply for being quiet (aloof, shy, anti-social, misanthropic and smug, being a handful of them). But the truth is that introverts are the world’s “watchers” and “listeners”— and have distinct advantages — as long as they know how to use them, and hopefully, the world comes to appreciate them.

Unlike extroverts, who draw their energy from social interactions, introverts gather their energy and recharge their batteries in (sweet, sweet) solitude, and gain hugely from quiet reflection.

I think winter is the season for introverts. It’s the time of year when Mother Nature begs us to rest, to slow down, to reflect. The world around us seems to take a collective breath, take time for quiet, deep reflection. It feels like the only time of year when humanity says it is socially acceptable to hole away at home—a state introverts enjoy immensely.

Thus, I have termed myself a “WINTROVERT.”

For when the days grow short and the temperatures plunge, the following virtues are at their peak:

Curling up for no particular reason
A long solo walk through the snow on a sunny winter’s day— the crisp, cold air filling my lungs!
Disappear under a blanket or three,
Make endless crockpots full of delicious soup.
Drink pots of hot beverages (sometimes in very cute teapots)

• Get lost in a good book.
• Binge-watch all twelve seasons of Murder, She Wrote.
• Nobody expects you to leave the house. In fact, often, they insist you don’t (for once, cancelling plans due to it being “WINTER AF” outside is the right thing to do).
• Staying put and hunkering down. A day to hibernate in your home and a reason to leave the rest of the world out in the blizzard. Nowhere to be. Time to watch the gentle flakes fall to the ground and marvel at the frozen beauty surrounding you.
• There is something particularly satisfying about cooking and eating warm winter food from the comfort of your warm kitchen as a storm swirls outside.
• Fireplace + book. No explanation required.
• Netflix + couch. From late November to Mid-March, this is an actual destination.
• Candles are cozier and even more atmospheric.
• Winter is nature’s resting time—a very special hush comes over the world as the days grow short and the earth rests.
• Winter makes one cocooned inside and splendidly alone. Trust me when I say that for introverts? THIS IS DAMN WONDERFUL.
• Come on: SNOW IS AMAZING. We learned this from The King and I and we probably won’t have snow much longer because climate change.
• It’s exciting when the outside world feels so dangerous and I am safely sitting on an armchair, slipping my finger between the dusty blinds, peeking at the slippery chaos.
• Winter is the time for crafty projects, homemade food, daydreams and catching up with yourself (to cabin fever I am permanently immune!)
• Zero FOMO, because everyone else is also trapped inside. I have an excuse for doing nothing at night and eating chips from the bag and writing writing writing.

    As much as I enjoy the vibrant colors of spring, warmer days mean it is time to come back out and rejoin the world. The time of rest has come to an end. I shall savor every chilly moment until the final snowflake has melted into the budding crocuses.