Damian's First Snow

London.
January.
Freezing.
7:00 am.
There are things to do, sleep to catch up on. Places to sing tonight.

On a quick, stumbly sleepy trip to the bathroom I notice an overly bright morning...
It couldn't be.
It doesn't DO that here.
I haven't seen this since Detroit.
This is the real deal. Serious stuff.
Incredible!
It IS!

Al: (whisper) Damian... Daaaaaamian...?

Damian: QSndkjX%*ehliruw@##en....

Al: ... I am so sorry to wake you... but something VERY SPECIAL has happened... and I don't want you to miss it...

Damian: Huh? What it is?

Al: It's snowing. And the snow has stuck.

Damian: What?!

Al: I know. I think you need to see it.

We get dressed. We shuffle to the doorway.

Al: Ready?

He nods.
I open the door onto Carlingford Road. And there before us is a virginal, untouched blanket of pure white snow. It is exquisetly beautiful. Every little branch, every little crevice has been touched and decorated. There are at least six inches on the ground. His eyes twinkle and fill with wonder and emotion. He looks like a little boy. I remember this feeling so well. It seems so far away now.

Damian: Can we go out in it? Can we play in it?

Al: Of course! Let's get properly dressed!

We do. Coats, scarves, mittens, big boots! And cameras of course. Hardly anyone is even awake.

I teach him how to make snowballs. And then we decide to make a snowman. Of course. The secret is a good central snowball and patience in the rolling technique. No respectable snowman was ever made in haste.

A young woman and her son appear in the window of a flat across the street. We wave to them, they wave back. This would never happen on a normal day, people are very reserved and cautious here. But today, on snow day, that is different.

We find pebbles for the Snowman's eyes. Sticks for a mouth and a scarf and mittens of course.

Damian: Let's get a picture.

We do.
We've been out an hour. It's cold.
A morning made of magic.


Oh BOY.

New year, new beginnings

Sheffield.

A much-needed new year, new begining. I feel relief. I feel powerful. A massive shedding of a heavy and obsolete skin. Perhaps the skin once contained lessons, hard, adverse lessons now absorbed into my inner skins, there forever.

I feel ambitious-- I feel solitary. I feel free and powerful and solid. Bold, in control and strong. What a difference. how weak and uncertain was 2006... i have and shall continue to learn from those dark days. I shall endeavour to grow further, take calculated risks. I feel such potential taking hold of me-- such wonders await! I shall be audacious! Any mistakes made through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity.

"Everyone admires the bold; no one honours the timid."
-- Robert Greene

* * *

To London this weekend partially to take things back, partially to visit JNF and partially for a very stupid audition. Had a wonderful visit with JNF, we exchanged flawless Christmas gifts (a beautiful red vintage handbag, a gift certificate for a rubber stamp, and three winnie the pooh prints circa 1929).

Life has taken an inexplicable... quailty. I find i am taking pleasure in more of life. A flower, I will find myself overwhelmed by it's beauty. Or find myself irrationally excited about a meal, seeinga friend, browsing in a shop, the pleasure of a day off, reading, folding freshly laundered clothes, the smell of "clean"... is this happiness? Is this what it feels like? For I have never felt it before except in short burts. (That Proustian orange at the Birmingham Airport in 2003...)

The other day I observed D in his sleep, smelled his musk and just sat there gazing at his gentle face, and I was filled with... a feeling. It can only be described as delicious, anticipatory, wonder-- the bursting joyful kind a child feels when offered a hot cookie. I could even smell oatmeal raisin when this feeling began and I wanted to bite him. I could not wait for him to wake up, so we could spend the day together...

What is this? 

Life is full even when it is hard... the sense of wonder is profound.

Happy New Year 2007

A beautiful meal followed by festive fun (loosely translated that means, Millionaire and Twister... til the wee hours...)

Next year in the holy land...