Vin Diesel: The Facts

The Fast and the Furious was on today. And it reminded me of a few given FACTS about the bad ass action hero superstar-o-rama that is Vin Diesel. I gave it some thought, and here are the facts:

- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures that Vin Diesel allows to live.

- Vin Diesel's hair is too afraid of him to grow.

- When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket

- Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis

- Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass... at night....

- If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever; it would sweep the Grammys. When asked why he hadn't done this before Vin would reply "Because Grammys are for queers." Then he would eat a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

- When Vin Diesel does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he pushing the earth down.

- Vin Diesel coined the phrase "I could eat a horse" after eating every last unicorn in existence.

- Vin Diesel can win a game of monopoly without owning any property.

- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you... including the room itself...


...It's just the facts, ma'am.