29 December, 2008

Domestic Happenings: Episode 6, Damian Explains Why It's Funny...


D does this thing that I have to share with you. It is so dear. It is so deliciously endearing and simultaneously insanity inducing. No, it has nothing to do with socks on the floor or vacuuming left undone; and to be fair to this poor boy whom I am about to publicly eviscerate he is a very good roommate indeed.

No. D possesses a sense of humour one could only ever describe as DEAR. Comic timing? You betcha. Quality of material? ...Not so much...

So what is this THING you ask? Well. My favourite thing D does in the whole of the world is the following:

1. He will tell you a joke that is not even REMOTELY funny, in fact it is probably pretty stupid.

2. He will do a little FACE that says "I AM DONE WITH THE JOKE AND YOU MAY NOW SHOWER ME WITH LAUGHTER"

3. He will repeat the face.

4. His face will fall slightly because you did not laugh at the joke.

5. He will collect himself slightly and prepare to be VERY PATIENT with you.

and, wait, here is the very best part of it all...

6. HE WILL, with FULL SINCERITY, SLOWLY EXPLAIN TO YOU WHY THE JOKE WAS FUNNY, AND INSINUATE THAT YOU SIMPLY MIS-HEARD TO MIS-UNDERSTOOD THE JOKE WHICH IS THE ONLY REASON ON EARTH WHY YOU WOULD NOT HAVE LAUGHED.

7. His face will fall even further when you explain that you both heard and understood said "joke" perfectly well, and simply did not find it funny.

The process goes something like this; this is a dramatization based on actual events:

[D & A pass a poster for Matthew Bourne's Dorian Gray]

D: He's a REAL DARK fellow...
A: Who?
D: Dorian GRAY...[Wink-wink proud of myself face #1]
A: huh. [Unamused face.]
D: Dorian GRAAAAAAAAAY [Extra emphasis Face #2]
A: Yes.... I...
D: Um... Al? [Disappointed face #3]
A: Yes?
D: [Collects himself] You see, Dorian Gray is the main character's NAME in the piece, and the word GRAY is not ONLY his last name but also like the COLOUR gray, which is DARK... so you see... that is why it is funny... it is a play on words... sort of thing...
A: Yes. I understood. I just... I'm so sorry... I didn't think it was that funny....
D: [Fallen face #4]

The End.

28 December, 2008

'Wild Geese' by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

from Dream Work by Mary Oliver

25 December, 2008

"Why, it' Christmas Day"

All is calm, all is bright. A lovely, completely relaxing holiday. I hope your was too.


Here is a recipe for Peppermint Bark that I love... (consider it my Christmas gift to you??)

Merry Christmas.

01 December, 2008

Ode to Raspberry Jam

I love jam. While I am currently indulging in Marks & Spencer's beauuuutiful Blueberry, I have, and always will, nurture a love of Raspberry.

One of the perks of the chillier seasons is enjoying the heart- and soul-warming foods of winter: hot roasted vegetables like kale, brussel sprouts, parsnip and potato, as well as soup soup soup.

BUT, among the simplest and most versatile of these winter warmers is the classic TOAST. And on my toast? Well, It has to be peanut butter preferably Skippy™) and Raspberry jam. I just ate two slices RIGHT NOW. And! I did that thing where you get the laaaaast little bit of jam off the empty plate...without shame...

Now before you go on a second longer thinking "RASPBERRY?!!" let me just say this: Some jams are easy to love. Strawberry and Grape? They're no-brainers. Strawberry and Grape are like those popular girls who wear skimpy tops with nothing left to the imagination.

But Raspberry? My, my. Raspberry is like the smart girl in school, the one with her own sense of style. You think she’s too weird for you, you'll never understand or accept her... But when she starts talking, and you find out she’s amaaaaazing, and she doesn’t even give a damn if you like her? Suddenly, she’s leagues more attractive than skimpy t-shirt girl.

Rock on Raspberry.


(...go on... lick it off the plate... you know you want to....no one is looking...)

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