16 August, 2011

Yellow Dessert: An Aversion

Yummy?! What LIES.
[WARNING: Please prepare yourself for unabashed opinions regarding all things to do with bananas, lemons, custard, quite often meringue, and I am sorry to say it, vanilla cake.]
...

[No. Seriously, take a moment for yourself.]

All good? Okay. Here it goes.

Reader?

I HATE YELLOW DESSERT.

[...She ducks her head. She looks up... Checks her surroundings. She pauses.]

....aaaaare you okay? ...Do you need another minute?

Banana?! YUCK!
Look. I am sorry. But in truth, if you are going to do dessert, don't you think you need to do dessert at 100%? You need to be in the 95-100% certainty category of enthusiasm, you need to be able to say "YES. I want that, I need that, and I am going to savor every mouthful-- every freakin' second of that delectable dessert otherwise what are you doing? WHAT. ARE. YOU. DO-ING?

It’s funny — as a child, no one ever notices desserts being trendy, (one just notices dessert, and perhaps that it is either good or not so good, and that you won't even tolerate lemon Starbursts and feel grateful your Dad likes them best...). But for the past year, this yellow dessert business has been everywhere--the new “it” dessert, the stylish old-but-new thing every hip person pretending not to eat carbs wants to be seen consuming.

It has come crawling out of the woodwork like tropical pests on a mission to contaminate the dessert cart, leaving respectable berry crumbles, apple pies and chocolate tortes cowering in horror. I know that yellow dessert has been around as long as bananas have! I know that! It's just that yellow dessert appears to be all the flippin' rage right now and one cannot get away from it. [She narrows her eyes with suspicion, a look of having eaten something disgusting all over her as she recalls a recent lemon meringue pie peer pressure forced feeding situation...]

You can KEEP your Lemon atrocity!!
The thing is-- I like bananas just fine. They are great. I enjoy lemons. Delicious. I have an intimate relationship with vanilla. I have nothing against fruit! I respect fruit!

But if you are going to spend the calories and time and energy on that extra course, I just don't understand why you would waste that special moment on something the same color as a legal note pad! As the middle traffic light! As Sponge Bob Square Pants...

Give me a break.
And basically let that break be made of crumble or chocolate.

2 comments:

  1. Banooffee pie counts. So do yellow starbursts.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I couldn't agree more!

    ReplyDelete

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