London Still: In My Life: Alex

First Prologue

They brought a woman
from the street
And made her
sit in the stalls
By threats
By bribes
By flattery
Obliging her to share
a little of her life
with actors

But I don't understand art

Sit still, they said

But I don't want to see sad things

Sit still, they said

And she listened to everything
Understanding some things
But not others
Laughing rarely,
and always without knowing why
Sometimes suffering disgust
Sometimes thoroughly amazed
And in the light again, said

If that's art I think it is hard work
It was beyond me
So much beyond my actual life

But something troubled her
Something gnawed her peace
And she came a second time, armoured with friends

Sit still, she said

And again,
she listened to everything
This time
understanding different things
This time
untroubled that some things
Could not be understood
Laughing rarely
but now without shame
Sometimes suffering disgust
Sometimes thoroughly amazed
And in the light again said

This is art,
it is hard work
And one friend said,
too hard for me
And the other said,
if you will
I will come again
Because I found it hard
I felt honoured

-- Howard Barker,
from The Bite of the Night