15 January, 2008

Ahhhh London: The Poo

So. Tonight I am leaving work, and as I go to exit I am told I have a parcel. Hurrah! The parcel is of adequate size and shape, about the size of two loaves of bread, and fairly heavy. I hesitate a moment, then decide to take it home right away, "what am I waiting for?!" It will be just as heavy tomorrow.

So I happily stumble across The Strand, up Southampton Row and onto the cobbles of Covent Garden Piazza. Lovely.

At this point I think to myself:
"Hey there Self, gee I sure wish I had a large bag to carry this parcel in. With my already large, filled-to-the-brim shoulder bag, the strain is juuuuuust over the comfortable mark.

And suddenly! Like magic! A large, paper MONSOON* bag appears out of the corner of my eye. AHA!! It is the perfect size and shape to house my parcel. I pick up the bag, I shake it open, I prepare to house my parcel when SUDDENLY I sniff...

[sniff. ... sniff ...]
OH DEAR ...YEP. There it is. Clear as day.

It's human feces.

No no, it couldn't be a dog's; it is too large, too MASSIVE a turd to be anything but human and this gets me thinking: how desperate does a person have to BE to shit in a bag in the middle of Covent Garden and NOT EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO THROW IT AWAY?

A bag.
Full of kaka.
What next?
Ahhhhh London.

10 comments:

  1. I'm giggling but I'm so appauled by that!
    The Scum!
    That's just crazy crazy crazy talk!

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  2. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

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  3. You found my Bag!!!!!!

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  4. Eeeuw! That is vile. I remember eating out in covent garden one time and espying a homeless man having a poop down an alleyway. Although he had the decency to wrap it in paper and pop it in the bin it still put me right off my fish and chips!

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  5. Thank goodness I've already finished lunch...

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  6. read with your american accent that was hilarious! Mum is still crying with laughter!
    x t

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  7. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. hope the parcel ended up being a great prezzie!

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  8. That is Hillarious!!! I left London with some amazing, once in a lifetime stories. It's good to see that the good times never stop.

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  9. That is so wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    M x

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