The Shame

Dear All, 

 Thank you all for the most incredibly supportive response to the news of my surgeries. I never dreamed I would be so uplifted, for I was certain that sharing would bring about responses of pity and disgust.
 
I have been struggling to confess the full spectrum of this experience for I, like so many people, felt EXTRAORDINARY SHAME. Shame is The Great Destroyer, and Irritable Bowel Disease, or 'IBD' is a disease that thrives on shame; it grows in intensity and strengthens in the darkness-- just like all toxic narratives we foist upon ourselves and project onto others.

As a society we rarely talk about bowel health, and thus bowel diseases (and all conditions like them) take root—and accelerate—in that silence.

I wavered when it came to posting a photo of myself with my ostomy, honestly portrayed. But I realized that the image was powerful, in two ways:
     1. Perhaps someone out there needs to know that ostomy-life is not so bad, it is, in fact, a GIFT.
     2. Although I bid farewell to my bag and stoma yesterday, I felt it was important to hold myself accountable to the shame I felt by posting a photograph of The Truth below my clothing. I had to proudly display my body in an empowered way to prove to myself (above all others) that there is nothing to be ashamed of.

By sharing our truths (however challenging), we shed light upon our shame and it shrinks. It shrivels. We take our agonies and they are identified with, supported, lightened somehow. We are not alone. We do not have to live in the shadows or on the sidelines of this one glorious life.
 
Thus, here I am: talking about it.
Because (as I said yesterday) SILENCE IS SHAME’S GREATEST NOURISHMENT.
Secret-keeping is how shame transforms into viciousness,
isolation,
fear
and disconnection.

Thank you for giving me the gift of feeling less isolated, for your blinding goodness, and above all, for connection. Connection is the great reward of vulnerability.

Onwards with courage and integrity. 💜

© Emma Mead