This post is for every tender, brilliant, creatively exhausted soul who has said yes to an unpaid reading again, agreed to do someone’s weird indie podcast at midnight for “exposure,” or joined a 12-person devised theatre project because "you felt bad."
You know that feeling. That little whisper that says, I actually can’t. Or I don’t want to.
But you override it. Because you’re grateful. Or scared. Or simply trained.
Here’s what I want to tell you, with love and no apology:
You don’t have to say yes just because it’s “something.”
Saying no doesn’t make you difficult—it makes you sovereign.
You owe yourself honesty.
“No” is a door.
A boundary. A border. A line in the sand that says:
Repeat after me: “Boundaries are not cruelty.” What boundaries are are a series containers that helps us care for each other better, communicate limitations, and actually (statistically!) breed more trust, not less. Think of it this way: when we know where the lines on the road are, all parties relax and drive within the lines.
Boundaries are also how we love ourselves. They’re how we say, “I am a whole-ass person with limits and needs and a spine.”
As the great Dr. Brené Brown says:
But Artists, especially those of us who’ve ever gone through a dry spell (achem), often feel like we have to say yes to every crumb of opportunity, attention, or praise. Yet when you say yes to everything, you’re saying no to something else — like your time, your focus, or the sweet blessed act of sitting on your couch in silence eating honey mustard pretzels. So step one is first about knowing where your boundaries ARE, then practicing exercising them without having a people-pleasing meltdown.
• Prompt: “When I said 'yes' but wanted to say 'no,' what did it cost me?”
• Write: Write a list of your non-negotiables— times you’re unavailable, projects you don’t want to do, vibes you will not tolerate. (More on this exercise in the next post!)
• Action: Practice saying no to tiny things. Decline an invitation. Admit a limitation. Say no to cake (“Do you want dessert?” “No.” [But like… later, hell yes...]).
The next time someone asks you to do something and your first instinct is to cancel your own needs to accommodate them, pause. You don’t have to justify rest. Saying “no” to a gig, a favor, or even a social invite doesn’t mean you’re lazy or ungrateful — it means you know your bandwidth.
Self-care isn’t about sheet masks and bubble baths. Care of Self looks like sending an email that says:
You are allowed to protect your time, your energy, and your body. In fact, big picture? By doing do you are protecting your ability to keep serving the wider world long term. If life is a marathon and not a sprint, than making sure you don’t burn out in mile 1 is essential.
As Audre Lorde said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.” And I bet she didn’t write that quote while doing someone’s 11th rewrite for free.
💡 Try this:
• Prompt: “What would my ideal week look like if I said no to things that drained me?”
• Write: Make a “Hell Yes or No” list — if it’s not a full-body YES, it’s a polite NO.
There’s a very specific panic that comes from opening your calendar and seeing back-to-back commitments that sounded “manageable” when you agreed to them six weeks ago. Saying no helps keep your time, energy, and life force intact — so you can actually make that thing you’ve been dreaming about instead of ghostwriting someone else’s mediocrity.
Over-commitment is a fast train to resentment.
And resentment is creativity’s death rattle.
If every “yes” is a withdrawal, then “no” is how you re-balance the books. Let yourself be a finite resource, not an infinite machine.
💡 Try this:
• List: Inventory your current “yes” pile. Color-code by “joy,” “neutral,” and “WTF did I do this.”
• Action: Rehearse a graceful no: “Thank you for thinking of me! I can’t take that on right now.” (more on exactly how to craft these this in Part 2!)
Confidence doesn’t magically appear. It comes from tiny, repeated acts of self-respect. Every time you say “no” with clarity and grace, you reinforce the truth that you matter. That your needs are real. That your time is valuable. That your boundaries are worth enforcing.
And suddenly, you’re not some trembling leaf hoping people like you— you’re a whole tree with roots, babe. Watch yourself stand taller.
💡 Try this:
• Prompt: “When did I say 'no' and feel proud of it?” Write the whole story. Including the "fallout," "consequences" and freedoms. Really examine which parts are yours and which are not.
• Action: Practice your "no" in increasing levels. Start with “I can’t,” then level up to “I don’t want to.” Own it.
• Track: Notice how much energy you save when you stop people-pleasing. Track that.
Contrary to your inner panic gremlin’s opinion, saying no does not mean everyone will hate you. In fact, clear boundaries make you easier to trust. People don’t have to guess where you stand.
But when you say “no” with grace and clarity, you allow your relationships to be based on truth, not performance. Real love honors limits.
💡 Try this:
• Action: Practice saying no to someone safe (like a friend who gets it)
• Action: If someone guilt-trips you, pause and breathe. That’s about them, not you.
• Prompt: “How do I feel when others say 'no' to me? Can I offer myself the same grace?”
Every “no” is a secret “yes” to something else.
Yes to your rest.
Yes to your writing.
Yes to not doing it all.
Yes to integrity.
Your life deserves to be built on choices that align with you.
💡 Try this:
• Write: Write a mission statement for your artist life. Use it to guide your decisions (it'll help you when you get wobbly!)
• Action: Each week, say “no” to one thing that doesn’t serve you. See what happens.
• Prompt: “What do I want to make room for?”
💡 Try this:
• Observe: Notice the difference between “obligation yes” and “aligned yes.”
• Action: De-clutter your to-do list with the Marie Kondo method in reverse: does it spark dread? Toss it.
• Prompt: “What would it feel like to protect my peace like it was my [INSERT high-stakes answer here: i.e child/ identity/paycheck]?”
Say it while shaking. Say it with snacks nearby. Say it and then log off. Say it for the you that knows what you’re capable of.
To your creativity.
To your nervous system.
To your future self.