I don’t know who to be online anymore…

• Shall I swipe on a filter and attempt to commiserate?

• Shall I slap on a bold lip and pretend this isn’t a profoundly difficult time to be semi-alive?
 
• Shall I risk over-sharing and/or TMI with a post of me without concealer/ at the doctor’s office/ or after another setback?
 
• [this is no brainer, but] More Tati pics?
 
• Who am I if I’m not posting from the dressing room / telling you I’m acting / writing / Jewish / married / in __ country / have-now-don’t-have colitis? / got a haircut?
 
Who are any of us?
We are so much dust.
And we are stardust.
We contain multitudes.

For all of us, “ONLINE” is a portal to another world—for better and for worse, and I don’t know who “avatar Al” is anymore. I don’t know who to be, what I should be. I have no clue what a human brand is and if humans should have one. I love being a beacon of information, buoying, and connection—and then again, sometimes I don’t.
 
Maybe I never understood how to *present* on here in the first place and the cracks are starting to show only now… I don’t know. And I’m okay with not knowing.
 
We all long to be unarmored, unabashed, truly seen.
 
In 2022 it is hard to be online.
It is also hard to be in the real world.
We might be “okay” and nothing might be “wrong,” but I challenge you to find anyone fully “okay” as we march around this confused and aching planet.
 
So here I am, lifting up my weary, dirt-soaked eyes to stare into yours say “if you are face down in the middle of the road—you’re not alone. I’m okay-but-not-okay TOO. And I struggle to share just how or why. And now of you’ll excuse me I have more dirt to eat…”
 
I see you.
All my love, from my dirt pile to yours,
 
Al

 

SO IN LOVE -- Valentine's Day in New York City

It's The Most Wonderful Time In The Year. Right?

Wrong. It’s not only deepest winter, it is February, there’s a pandemic, and in walks the weirdest “holiday” of them all: Valentine's Day. Who wouldn’t want to grab a drugstore box of chocolates and scream-cry in their sweatpants?

NOT THIS YEAR.

You don’t need a significant other to snuggle up to your cocktail and spend an intimate evening with the Grammy Award nominee Alexandra Silber as she celebrates, makes fun of, mourns, and idealizes all things romance.
With songs.
And jokes.
And special guests.
And maybe even a QUIZ…with prizes.

Join Alexandra February 14th and experience a unique and intimate performance that combines Silber’s signature mixture of depth, wit and musicality.

And who knows? Maybe you’ll even score your very own box of chocolates.

With musical direction by Ben Moss
and Zack Zaromatidis on guitar
featuring Alec Silver 

TICKETS — https://thegreenroom42.venuetix.com/show/details/SrKJf33yUjwZrI9XlNAn/1644892200000

 

Happy Birthday, Alec

 Happy Birthday, Alec.
 
How could I possibly articulate how magnificent Alec George Hao Silver is, and what he means to me?
 
How could I ever accurately capture what he has achieved, done, and grown to be, in the last year of his life?

But I’ll try:
 
In the last year Alec has stood by me (alongside my mother of course) through 3 major surgeries, waited in hospital rooms, driven me to 100+ appointments and the ER—all with grace and calm.
 
He grew as an artist— teaching young people, acting in countless professional readings with incredible artists, and returning to live theatre as the protagonist of a new Chinese American play at the Goodman Theatre (!!).

All whilst laughing, healing, growing, finding joy, nurturing friendships, Tati, nurturing family, acting on his dreams, and cheering on his friends like no one else I know.
 
Oh and that’s right: this year, he married me. To commit to someone so fiercely in the middle of a pandemic *and* the middle of a huge health journey is a signifier of character I don’t have language for.

Alec, I love you.
And I am so glad you were born. 💜

 

Carla: A Friend Gush

Oh hello there. Are you in need of some inspiration?
 
Behold: This is my friend Carla Stickler.
 
Last week (in the midst of everything) Carla flew to NYC from her new home outside Chicago, to answer a call from Wicked on Broadway: “Hi Carla, we know you haven’t been a part of the full time company since 2015, but can you be here in a few days to standby for Elphaba?”
 
Carla has recently pivoted away from showbiz and taken on a new career in coding. She has not played this role in seven years and kapow: with a performing itch to scratch and an industry in need, Carla "Defied Gravity" last night. ON BROADWAY.
 
The vocal training, the sheer vocal CAPACITY, and ballsiness to be painted in green, pushed onstage with zero rehearsal, and screlt your heart and guts out. For some of us, we might not totally appreciate what a role like this entails—let alone not having done, rehearsed it, or even THOUGHT about it for SEVEN years. But Carla? Did it. On one of the biggest stages ON EARTH.
 
I have known Carla since we were 12 years old at summer camp. In adulthood we’ve been a part of a group of “Kick Ass Ladies” (with Christina Wallace + Rachel Beider) who lift one another up and support one another on this roller coaster called life.
 
Carla is one of the smartest and most devoted humans I know with the voice of an angel, but even better: the heart of a WARRIOR.
 
She will return to her life in Chicago with her amazing husband, perfect dog and kick ass coder job— but if she never performs in public again? She knows without a shadow of a doubt that THIS BOW was her last bow.
As Elphaba.
On BROADWAY.
 
I’m proud of her accomplishment, but even more in awe of her courage, resilience, and sheer  KICKASSERY.
 
I love you, Carla. Thank you for reminding me (and all of here) that sometimes miracles happen TO us, but sometimes, when we are scrappy WE HAPPEN to THEM.
 
Everyone deserves a chance to fly. 💚

 

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